Feelings

Chapter 21

Merediths POV

I wake up nearly suffocating. My head is buried into Harry's chest, my arms tucked between us. His right arm is holding me against him, and his left arm is somewhere with mine between our bodies. I wiggle around to free my head a little, then groan because I have a horrible headache.
Harry opens his eyes after my movement. "Morning," he rasps. "How does your head feel?"
"Awful," I whine.
"Do you have anything to do today?"
"I was going to visit my grandma later. You could come, she'd love to see you," I offer. My grandma has met Harry twice, and absolutely loves him. She finds his sarcasm funny and his tattoos fascinating. She also likes that he doesn't treat her like she's sick. He talks to her like she is a normal healthy person, which is hard for me because I can see how different she is now. Her favorite part about him is that he will argue with her. Mom says we shouldn't because it upsets her but the happiest I've ever seen her since the stroke is after a good debate with Harry. The nurses said its good for her, and gets her blood flowing. They argue about lots of things, from politics to which weather channel is more accurate.
"Will your mom be there?" He asks.
"No she works," I assure.
"Ok," he agrees. "If you still want to," he adds.
"What?" I frown.
"We need to talk." His face looks worried and tired all of the sudden.
"What's the matter?" I ask.
Do you want something for your head?" He switches the subject.
I lift myself up on my elbow. "I'm ok."
He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths.
I sit up and move the covers off of him. His chest is bare. I remember requesting that last night. Instead of blushing I climb to straddle his waist, tracing his tattoos like I did once before.
"Shit," he hisses, his stomach tightening as I trace the butterfly. "We need to talk," he says.
"In a minute," I trace lower, along his v lines.
His breath quicken, his stomach tight and anxious.
"Calm down," I whisper.
"I can't when..."
I lean forward and press my lips to his, my body pressed against his chest. "Relax," I say against his lips.
"Meredith," he says.
"Yes?" I kiss him again, my palms pressed against his chest.
"We need to talk."
"We can talk like this," I say.
He shakes his head. "You have to listen."
"Ok," I frown. "I'm listening."
"I love you. I mean that. You know that right?" He looks terrified.
I kiss him again. "Yes, I love you too."
"I have a sister," he says suddenly.
"Ok."
"Her name is Gemma, and she is 24."
"Ok, Harry."
"That was the easy part," he shakes his head. I have a mum too."
"I kind of figured that much," I tease.
"I haven't spoken to either of them in 5 years."
I frown. "Why not?"
"It's a long story."
"I have all day," I kiss him.
"Five years ago I was a really horrible person," he says. "Not like now. Like I was awful."
I stay silent, and trace his tattoos.
"I was dating a girl named Katherine. She said she loved me and I cared about her."
I notice he doesn't say he loved her.
"We got into an argument once and it was all downhill from there. Once out of spite, I..." He stops taking, taking a deep breath.
I still say nothing, but hold my hands still on his chest to comfort him.
"I filmed us having sex and posted it online." He whispers.
I freeze. I can see the guilt on his face and in his eyes. I know I should say something, but what do you say when your boyfriend tells you he lost his temper and released a sex tape of his former girlfriend?
"She was ruined," he continues.
"That's in the past," I say softly.
"That's what I thought. My mum and sister were upset with me and I couldn't stand to face them. I moved here and tried to get my act together,"
"Then let's forget it," I suggest.
"I tried but I can't," he's almost crying again.
"Why?"
"Katherine has a cousin named Jake."
"Oh," I say.
"He found me here, and blackmailed me. He told me that if I didn't do what he said he would do to my sister what I did to Katherine."
"What did he tell you to do?" I ask, scared of the answer.
"He showed me a picture of this girl. And he told me I had to make her fall for me, and then I had to ruin her like I ruined Katherine." He chokes, a few tears falling.
My heart stops. "And I'm that girl," I whisper. I want to scream. I want to sob. I want to get up and run away. But instead I sit on top of him and watch him intently. "But you fell for me," I whisper.
He nods. "That was their plan. I'm supposed to ruin the girl I love."
"Have you filmed us already? In the hotel?" I asked, slightly nauseous.
"No," he says rapidly. "I haven't filmed us, not once. I swear. I promise you."
"Then why are you so upset?"
"Why aren't you?"
"So you're telling me that you were supposed to ruin me to save your sister, but instead you fell in love with me and risked everything for me?" I clarify.
He looks slightly relieved. "Yes. And I'll do it again if you want."
"No I don't want that," I shake my head. "Once is enough."
"Enough for what?" He asks nervously.
I wipe his eyes my my thumbs. "You did it. You got me to fall for you."
"I know it was wrong and if you don't forgive me I understand," he whispers.
"I don't forgive you because there is nothing to forgive," I shake my head. "I love you."
"It's my fault," he chokes.
"What is?"
"At Zayns party. The guy that..." He stops.
"That was Jake?" I whisper.
He nods. "And the time I save you in the hallway. He was Jakes friend. He's your ex boyfriends brother," he adds.
My jaw drops. "Chris was in on it?!"
"Yes that's why I hated him."
"And that's why Austin got beat up?"
He nods.
"What's going to happen now?"
"I don't know," he shakes his head. "They could get my sister, they could get me, they could go after anyone. But I swear to god I won't let them touch you."
"We have to call the police," I say.
"It's not that simple. Jake isn't just one guy, he's got dozens of people."
"The police can give us protection while they find them. They can protect your mum and sister.."
"And you," he adds.
"And me," I agree. "And you."
"I'm going to get beat up," he says. "Just a fair warning. The next time you see me I'll be bruised and bloody."
"Don't say that," I shake my head.
"It's the truth." He shrugs.
"I won't leave you, then."
"Yes you will. I don't want you to see it."
"If it has to happen I want to be there to clean you up," I protest.
"I'll call you afterwards then. If I'm on the ground bleeding there won't be anything to stop them from taking you,"
"What if you can't call? What if you're unconscious?"
"Have some faith, love. I can fight back, you know."
I smile when he calls me love. "What if there's more than one?"
"I'll be ok."
"I don't want you to get hurt."
"It won't happen today, so let's have a good day," he says.
"I didn't get to finish," I say, continuing to trace his tattoos.
"You don't hate me?"
"No," I go over the heart. When I come across the gem, I smile. "This one is for your sister?"
"Yes," he smiles back. "I want to get one for you."
"Don't you think it's early for that?" I ask.
"No. I love you."
I kiss him. "What if I found some hotter guy that isn't about to get his ass whooped and kissed him instead?"
"I'd whoop his ass," he growls.
I grin. "Tattoos are forever," I tell him.
"So is love," he points out.
"Oh my god that was so cute and cheesy please do it again," I rush, kissing him hard.
"If you keep doing that I'll be as cheesy as cheddar," he winks.
I bend down and press my lips to him, leaving them there longer than usual. "That one was lame though," I add.
"What time can we visit your grandma?"
"After noon," I say. "But I'm really hungry."
"Ok," he grins. "You still love me?"
"Yes, stop worrying," I kiss him. "I loved you last night and I love you now."
"I'm going to use that in a song," he smiles.
I blush. "Did you like my lyrics?"
"Yes I liked them very much." He kisses me.
"Let's go out to lunch," I suggest.
"Ok, love."
"I want a cheese burger," I start. "But I kind of want a certain one."
He meets my eyes knowingly. "You want to go to the place Louis took you?"
I nod sheepishly. "The burgers were so good."
He grins. "I'll only take you there if you agree to call me your boyfriend in public."
I don't tell him that I was planning on it anyways. "Ok," I nod.
"Really?" He looks surprised.
"Yes I really want a burger. Also I love you," I add.
"Ok," he chuckles.
I reluctantly climb off of him. "I don't want to change out of your clothes," I complain.
He grins. "So that wasn't just the drunk you talking?"
I blush. "No."
"Am I still hot too?"
"You're always hot, I just feel more inclined to say it when I'm intoxicated," I roll my eyes.
"Intoxicated?" He asks, amused.
"Yes, it's a synonym for drunk."
"I know what it means," he gets up and walks around the bed to stand over me. "Remember when I had to do this to kiss you," he walks closer, backing me up against the wall. He takes my wrists gently and holds them in his hands above my head.
"I liked it," I admit.
"I did at the time," he agrees. "But I would much rather have you kiss me willingly."
"I'll willingly kiss you this way," I assure.
He presses his whole body against mine, his grip tightening slightly on my wrists. He attaches his lips to mine, his tongue invading my mouth. I kiss back, my right hand going to his hair. I can feel his chest on mine, his heart beating quickly.
"Did you like it when I said dirty things too?"
I can only nod, because his lips are on mine again.
"I want to take you, right now against this wall," he breathes.
I shudder, letting him kiss me again.
"I want to watch your body come undone right in front of me. I want to hear to you scream my name when you come."
I gasp when he presses his crotch against me. He takes the opportunity to force his tongue into the kiss. For a moment we just make out, our bodies pressed together. His hands drop my wrists and grab my waist, holding it against his. I can feel the bulge through his pants. I reach up to tangle my hands in his hair.
"I'm hungry," I whisper.
"Ok," he grins. "Tell me when to stop." He starts kissing me passionately, his hips pressed against me. His hands travel under my shirts. His right hand holds my back, keeping me pressed against him, and his left hand traces shapes into my stomach. Completely overwhelmed, I struggle to even kiss him back. If I don't stop this soon I won't be able to. He moves his mouth to kiss my jaw, then trailing kisses down my neck. Incoherent sounds fall from my lips when he sucks the skin on my neck. When his hand reaches for the clasp of my bra, I mutter a breathless, "Stop."
He sighs, kisses my mouth hard, and steps back. "Do you have something to wear? Besides my clothes. Which you look hot in."
"I'm pretty sure when I left my house last night I threw my suitcases in my car," I say, ignoring his comment. "But I'm not positive."
"I'll check," he kisses me once more, then turns and walks out of his room, snatching a shirt off the floor on his way.
I sit on the edge of his bed, thinking. I remember his words at Nialls house. 'You don't even know me' he was right. He said he didn't want me to get sucked in. He was talking about the blackmail. If I would have slept a few minutes longer at Nialls he would have left and I probably wouldn't have seen him again. He would have been beaten up and who know what would have happened. I corse he will still end up getting hit and we still don't know what will happen so the only thing that's changed is that I still have a relationship with Harry but the one with my mother is in pieces. Except I know my mother still loves me and that she will forgive me someday.
I hear the front door open, and walk out to help him lug the suitcases in.
"You don't have a place to live," he says.
"No," I groan. "Will you help me look?"
"No. You'll live here," he says simply.
"What? No I don't think that's a good idea," I shake my head.
"You aren't living alone," he says. "And you sure as hell aren't living with someone else."
"I can't just move in with you. You only have one bedroom and..."
"You've never had a problem sleeping with me before," he counters.
"And I have a lot of stuff and it wouldn't all fit," I continue.
"We could throw half my shit away it doesn't have any value to me."
"What would my mother say?"
"The same thing she said at the hospital and last night," he reminds me.
"She would never speak to me again."
"You're her daughter."
"Harry I can't just move in with you I haven't even known you a year," I say.
"I love you," he pouts.
"Yes I know but that doesn't make everything else go away we still have to be reasonable. Besides i know you wouldn't let me pay my half of the rent."
"Of corse I wouldn't and who said love is reasonable?"
I can't help but smile, my heart fluttering. He has such an innocent and pure version of love. Instead of twisting it up, his life and attitude have protected love for him. I can't help but feel that he's right. If you have love, then you don't need all those other things.
"I'll think about it," I say honestly.
"You aren't living alone," he shakes his head.
"You aren't my boss," I remind him.
"You won't live alone."
"I will if I want to," I put my hand on my hip.
"Don't be so difficult," he groans.
"Don't be so bossy."
"Just get dressed," he huffs.
"Thanks for carrying these in," I say, taking my smaller suitcase from him.
"You can have half the closet if you want to hang your stuff in there now," he says, giving me an innocent smile.
I raise my eyebrow. "I'll think about it."