𝘾𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙨

Apathy and a Desk Job // Emily x reader story finale

Hey bby! welcome to the 3rd and final part of the apathy story ‼️‼️ As always feel free to comment any suggestions or whatever u want and ilysm ❤️🤠
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"We are not the same Emily. We may have a similar story but I am nothing like you." You finished right as Emilys phone started to ring.

You looked at her as she just sat there without picking up the phone. "You can get that" you say "It's fine its not important y/n" she tried "Emily im serious just pick up the phone." "fine."

"Hey Em it's Garcia! So I was looking deeper into y/ns file and you are NOT gonna believe what it says!" You just look at her with a feeling of betrayal. "You got Garcia to pull my file?!?!"

"Look I can explain.. I was just trying to figure this out!" she replied, only to be interrupted by Pen. "It says here that the order to have her file erased came from the one and only CIA!" At that Emily looked absolutely dumbfounded, but you were more surprised that she made Garcia practically run a background check on you.

"Are you fucking kidding me Emily!?! You made Pen do a deep sweep of my file???? Was that before or after you called me a brainless bitch!?!!"

You heard a gasp come from the phone, followed by a very angry sounding Penelope Garcia. "Emily Prentiss did I just hear her right!?! You are NEVER allowed to talk to anyone on this team like that, much less little miss y/l/n! Am I clear Emily?!" She looked like she was startled at Pens sudden change of tone, but started again. "Penelope I didn't mean it I swear! I was just upset and I overreacted!" She seemed to be talking sincerely but you were still pissed off. "I'm going to hang up before I blow up at you Prentiss. Oh and we are talking more about this later missy!" Once Garcia hung up Emily looked at you for a few seconds before finding her words again.

"Look, Y/n.. Everything I said earlier.. I know I won't be able to make it any better by apologizing, but I am truly sorry for what I said and how I've treated you for the past three months. I think that I have fears that I have not addressed, some things from my past make me feel powerless and I took that out on you. What I'm trying to say is, I have no excuse for what I have done to you, but I promise to do better. Even if it takes the rest of my time with the BAU to make it up to you I swear I won't ever stop trying." She said, holding back tears.

"Look Emily I know you don't know anything about my time before the FBI, but one thing I know is that coming here was supposed to be a fresh start for me, and I have that. However, coming here was also supposed to help me realize who I really wanted to be, and it took a lot for me to get back into work and other normal social situations. It was hard to even get out of my bed or to bring myself to work everyday, and you treating me the way you do just made me feel worthless every single day." You were also battling back tears by now, but you never let them slip, your anger winning the duel over your despair.

"Y/n as I said earlier I would have never talked to you like that if I knew what you were going through.. I understand how it feels to lose your grip on reality because of a job."

"You don't understand though Emily! Nobody does! Why do you think the CIA took all of those measures to completely erase my file? You have no idea what I went through in there! I was barely an adult and I went through more than most people do in a fucking lifetime!" It was getting harder to blink away the tears, but you managed to keep them in somehow. By now Emily had a look on her face that was new to you, and you couldn't really put your finger on it. It looked like an even blend of regret, devastation, and something else that you couldn't figure out for the life of you.

"I am so sorry Y/n."

"Sorry doesn't do anything for me anymore. God Emily how can you not understand that!

"Well what can I do to make it better?"

"Nothing Emily. I've tried therapy, I've tried meditation, medication, acupuncture, but none of it's ever done anything for me. I am so fucking sick of trying, just to be shut down over and over again. I am done with trying to prove myself to people that have no idea who I am and what i've done in my life."

"Can I ask what your mission entailed?" She asked apprehensively. "You know I can't share details Prentiss."

"Please Y/n.. I want to try to help." You thought about what you could tell her legally, ultimately deciding on a bare minimum explanation. "It was an undercover mission to break down a multi layered drug ring that ended very poorly." "Were you alone?" "Yes." "Were you hurt?" "Yes." She looked sad but you just stared at her, until she spoke again

  "Before I came to work at the BAU, I was involved in an intricate undercover mission that led to a fairly simple arrest. I was never hurt until many years later when he broke out of prison, so it was definitely different. I was just thankful to be alive after everything that had happened." She had never shared her story in any detail with you, so you were surprised at how open she was being with you.

"I wish I could be thankful for being alive. That job took everything from me Emily. I don't feel safe anywhere, I only sleep for three nights in the week if im lucky. I don't know what the hell i'm supposed to do with myself after everything that happened. I have nothing left Emily." You let a few tears fall out of your eyes finally, but didn't let your tone falter for a second.

  "That's not true y/n.. you are still so young, you can and will be able to build a better and happier life for yourself if you can just let yourself forget and forgive." "Forgive? Forget? Are you joking? That man took EVERYTHING from me and you want me to forget and forgive?!?! I spent almost a fifth of my life with that man, I was there for four years pretending to be someone I wasn't, before I even had a clue as to who I really was. He was my first kiss, my first relationship, my first everything, and you want me to forget?!?!"

"I know exactly how you're feeling Y/n and you will one day find someone you love and you will have everything you did with him and more, everything will get better if you let someone help you!"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL!"

"I went through the exact same thing of course I know how you feel!"

"You DONT!"

"Y/n we are the same! What do you not get about that!"

"I WAS PREGNANT!" You screamed at her, struggling to catch your breath between sobs. Once she heard that she looked up at you and stared into your eyes,  mouth open with tears streaming as she finally understood your desperation.

"I was seven months pregnant with the child of a monster Emily." She looked even sadder at that somehow but finally caught her breath enough to form a few words. "You.. you were? As in.." "A day after the seven month mark of my pregnancy, and a few months after the four year mark of the mission.. a mole leaked my status within the CIA and it spread in the community like wildfire.

  He came home that night and he.. he kicked and he punched and he shoved me into walls.. my team found me the next day, my beautiful little girl was gone, I was barely there. He killed my baby Emily.. I killed my baby. You explained while holding your stomach, the memory proving to be unbearable as you cried for your unborn child.  Emily just sat and watched you shake and scream in horror and agony until you pulled out your IV and fell to the floor, head between your knees.

  She rushed over to you, cradling you in her arms while you repeated to yourself over and over "I killed her.. I killed us.." she held you for hours, just listening to your cries while whispering sweet nothings in your ear "I'm so sorry baby.. it's not your fault angel.. im so sorry.. you're going to be okay.. aswell as kissing your forehead every once in a while. When you both finally calmed down enough to breathe normally she tried to pull away, but you just reached out and grabbed her arm "Please Em, god please don't leave me." You begged. She looked at you before carefully pulling your arm over her shoulder, picking you up before laying you down on the bed again and sitting in the chair beside you. "I'm not going anywhere Y/n, I am so so sorry baby."