Alone ~hyunchan~

six

Tw: mentions of suicide/ self harm

Darkness. Everything around him was dark. He felt a presence there, but he didn't want to wake up. He was tired. He wondered how much longer he would endure this suffering.

"GET UP YOU LAZY ASS BITCH AND GET READY FOR SCHOOL. YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE BREAKFAST AND YOU BETTER HURRY UP," Hyunjin heard his  father say.

He was tired of always being on the receiving end of insults and abuse. But there was nothing he could do about it.

He was scared.

Alone.

He didn't know how to reach out and ask for help.

So he just had to endure it. He got up, got ready for school, making sure that his uniform covered his bruises, and then he went downstairs to make his parents breakfast.

He managed to make breakfast without his father getting mad, and left for school.

Chan had moved away from the house in front of him, but he still went to the same school hyunjin did.

Hyunjin was glad he had a friend like Chan.

Chan was like a ray of light for hyunjin.

No, Chan was Hyunjin's sun, his reason for waking up each morning.

Hyunjin didn't know when he fell in love with Chan, he just knew he loved him with his whole life.

So when Chan turned his back on Hyunjin, he felt afraid. Alone. Abandoned. Once again, he had no reason to live.

Hyunjin woke up from his slumber, wondering why he recently had so many dreams about his younger years he was trying to forget.

He got up, and got ready for work, dreading what was to come later in the day, but at the same time he couldn't wait to have dinner with Chan.

Once he arrived at work, he went to get a coffee at the lunchroom.

"Do you not get tired of drinking so much coffee?"  Jeff asked him. "I genuinely don't know how you drink so much coffee, like how are you still healthy?"

"I'm just built different", said hyunjin laughing.

"Whatever," Jeff said rolling his eyes, walking away as he did.

Hyunjin grabbed his coffee and made his way over to his desk, and starting working on what he hadn't completed the day before.

*later that day*

Hyunjin was glad he was done with work, but he was scared as well. Chan met him in the front door, and Hyunjin was very nervous but happy as well.

"So where do you want to go eat?" Chan asked Hyunjin.

"Anywhere is fine," Hyunjin said, chuckling awkwardly.

"Alright then, let's go." said Chan. "Get in," he motioned to hyunjin, telling him to get in his car.

"Okay."

As they drove there, Hyunjin was wondering what they would talk about. He didnt want to reference what happened, and he was hoping Chan didn't.

But like we know, poor Hyunjin always ends up suffering.

"So, are you dating Felix? Or do you still just mess around with him and Changbin?" asked Chan.

Hyunjin was pissed. He was also devastated. He had lost count how many times he had tried explaining to Chan what actually happened, and his friend hadn't listened or even try to comprehend and ask if he was okay. "

"I knew this dinner was the worst idea of my life. Besides trying to kill myself. I don't even know why I'm still here talking with you."

Chan looked at Hyunjin shocked, as if he couldn't believe what he had heard.
"You-.....You tried to kill yourself..?"

"Yeah I did, but oh no, you were to busy with your egotistical ass,thinking I bullied and raped your crush to care." Hyunjin said, standing up from where he was sitting.

"But don't worry, I haven't tried it again recently, no thanks to you. Actually, maybe thanks to you because your cowardly ass couldn't bear to see me without looking at me like a piece of trash-  so you talked to the director of the school and had me expelled."

Hyunjin was tearing up at this point, but he was managing to hold it in well, and promised himself he would never cry in front of Chan again.

"I hated you for years, mind you I still do. But now I don't care what you think of me. I'm not the person I was back then. I have friends now who love me and care for me dearly."

"Unlike you who promised to forever 'protect me' when the thing I ended up needing protection from was you. And for clarification, I never raped or bullied Felix or Changbin. Maybe you should have found out what actually happened before you made assumptions and started listening to people who didn't even know the whole story."

"Anyways, I'm leaving now because being around you isn't good for my mental health. Thank you for the dinner offer, and pardon me for not eating anything, but I've lost my appetite. Good bye and please refrain from talking with me unless it's absolutely necessary. " Hyunjin said walking away from Chan.

He wondered if Chan saw the tears falling down his eyes as he was leaving, but then again,  why would he care.

He obviously didn't care about him enough to believe him over some people talking shit about him and spreading lies.

Hyunjin managed to get home, and he went to take a shower.

As he got out of the shower, he saw one of his lighters on the shelf. He was tempted to grab it, and just feel the pain that could make the emotional pain go away temporarily.

After much thinking, he decided just one burn would be enough.

Pathetic. Hyunjin thought to himself.

As soon as Hyunjin was done, he went to bed without further ado. He didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, so he put his phone in silent.

He drifted off to sleep, hoping that tonight he might have a good dream, or no dream at least.

Anything was better than reliving memories he was trying so hard to forget.

Omg guys hi!!!!! How r y'all? 🥹 I have a massive headache rn so sorry if this chapter isnt good 😭 but I felt bad not updating and I reallllyy wanted to update soooo.... Ehe 🤭🤭
Well, poor hyunjin huh 😔 anyways, what do y'all think actually happened???? 👹
Oki bai now, love you guys ❤ and remember to please take care of yourself, and look after the people around you. There will always be someone there to help you, even if you don't realize it. ❤️❤️
                                 ~maris 🐿🥟
(P.S. I changed my username 🤭🤭 and listen to day 6 👹 and all the comebacks that r coming out recently because there's been a lot)