Alone ~hyunchan~

seven

TW: mentions of suicide/self harm

"Do it. Cut yourself deeper. End it all. Isn't that what you've wanted all along? No one gonna miss you any-"

"SHUT UP!! SHUT UP STOP TALKING GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!" Hyunjin yelled, trying to get peace.

He didn't know how to get rid of the voices, or when he started listening to them.
He tried not to, he really did, but then he realized that they were right. What was the point of living if all it was to him was a living hell.
Maybe even worse.

"No. You know I'm right. Your just a bitch and a whore who sleeps with anyone and rapes those who don't want to sleep with you. Nobody likes you, cares for you, worries about you. So do it. Cut yourself so deep, instead of passing out, make sure you never wake up again."

"Please stop talking," begged Hyunjin, sobbing. "Please, I never slept with anyone and i didn't rape them, wooseung did. He lied to everyone and said I did it. So please stop, I beg you."

"True, he may have done it, but thats not what everyone thinks, am I right? Even if they knew the truth, they still wouldn't like you. They never did. They don't care about whether or not you did it. It's your existence they hate. So rid them if it. Bring yourself peace. Don't make then hate you more than they already do."

"......"

"Your right. I should do it. They don't care about me. I've been unwanted ever since I was little. Actually, since I was born. It's time I found peace. I'm not going to let them bother me anymore. I'll finally have peace. And silence. No more torture."

Hyunjin pressed the blade to his wrist, wondering how many tries it would take before he cut deep enough.
He slit once, twice, three times, kept going until he wasn't satisfied only cutting one arm.

He laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed some more.

He laughed as he cut his other wrist.

He laughed as he watched himself bleed out.

He laughed as saw his vision going dark.

He laughed, because he was finally getting peace.

"AGGGGHHHHHHHHH"

Hyunjin woke up screaming. He was disoriented.
Where was he?
Oh right. It was a dream. He sat up, running his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself down.
He didn't realize he had been crying until he rubbed his face.

He hated it when he dreamed about that day. He wouldn't say he regretted it, he just didn't like to be reminded of his failure.

He got up, taking time to steady himself, and decided to take a shower before he went to work.

He had woken up earlier than usual, surprisingly. Probably because of the dream.

He went to the bathroom, and turned on the water. He made it as hot as he could handle it, and just stood there for a while since he still had a lot of time.

He let the hot water run all over him, trying to wash off all the memories.

It was kind of therapeutic, but not much. As he was finishing up his shower, he turned the water as cold as he could, stood there for a while, and then stepped out of the shower.

As he got ready for work, he hoped Chan would actually listen to him and not talk to him. He hated his past, and Chan being there wasn't helping. He loved Chan, but the memories that came with him weren't all that good.