49 , stupid, pretty, ruined face ,

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JULY 10

JULY 10

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  Felix remembered sitting around in middle school, just waiting for the day he'd wake up and have a crush. Everyone talked this strange phenomenon up so much— he got so curious and excited to see what it was like. He wanted to take part in those whispered lunch-table conversations, too. And he kept waiting. And waiting. And waiting. To the point that he wondered if he'd had one at one point and just didn't realize. Everyone made it sound as if it were impossible not to have one at some point; it was apparently a standard, necessary part of growing up.

   If he ever got brave enough to bring up, he first got some light teasing about how he clearly hadn't grown up yet, then got told it was something he'd just feel. He'd know it when he felt it. eventually he began to wonder if perhaps he was stupid or glitching or just very, very oblivious and nonobservant.

   "Think about it," Chan had told him. But Felix didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to consider the fact that he might never get to understand what that feeling was; that even after all this waiting and wondering, he'd never get to relate to the billions of love songs on the planet—would never fully comprehend the meaning of the words he sang. No. What he wanted, rather, was for Hyunjin to kiss him until he felt it. Until he was fixed. Normal. Human.

   "You're still just as human, Lix."

   But with Hyunjin looking at him so expectantly... like it'd be totally unnatural for Felix to not reciprocate his feelings... well, Felix didn't feel just as human.

   "We're actually alone this time," Hyunjin laughed. "I checked." He had his hair pulled back; his black eye and purple-green cheekbone on full display, only framed by a delicate wisp of hair falling over his temple. It was almost as if he was showing it off, proud to wear it, as a token of his commitment. Like he was saying, 'I'll do anything to be with you'. Almost.

   Worriedly, guiltily, Felix placed the gentlest of hands on his cheek, so careful not to cause him even the slightest bit of pain; no more of it, anyway. He knew why it was there. He knew he had caused it.

   Hyunjin didn't seem to care much, though. "Hey, forget about it. It's just a black eye." He smiled grimly, shrugging it off. "I have something more important to talk to you about, 'kay?"

   Felix nodded quietly, making no protest, even though he perhaps should have, when Hyunjin looked down, and after a moment spent chewing his lower lip, took hold of each of Felix's hands, gently fiddling with his fingers. Lifting them to his lips to press a soft kiss to them.

   He looked nervous; giddy, almost naively so. As if there was nothing in his bruised head but bubblegum bliss. Like his dreams were about to come true. And he coughed up the question, unable to hold back a smile no matter how nervous he was: "Felix... Angel, would you... be my boyfriend?"

only human // skzWhere stories live. Discover now