SEQUEL TO HOLD ME
"it's only human."
those are words that stick in the minds of eight boys who have found themselves closer than ever because of a year spent at the same college.
minsung, seungin, changhyunlix... and chan :')
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MAY 15
He'd been killing himself bit by bit nightly for years. All to help the people he loved.
Chan was by far not a stranger to being tired. So tired he felt like he couldn't move. So tired he felt like his head would explode. But this week... this week was by far the worst he'd ever had.
He felt as if he'd come from one exhausting world into another as he finished up his last days at college, and in the same week, returned home to a family crisis. At college alone he'd had it rough, losing the little time he typically allotted for sleep as he forced himself to get through finals— pulling consecutive all-nighters to study, on top of getting his regular assignments done, downing coffees and Red Bulls to keep shuffling on through his never-ending shifts at both of his on-campus jobs... he had resorted to sleeping through his lunch breaks. (Not that it mattered to him, because the unhealthy amount of caffeine he was now regularly consuming was wrecking his appetite.)
Really, he could've quit his university jobs the week before finals to give him extra time to study and sleep, but he didn't even consider it. I can do it, he insisted, stubbornly, in his mind, as always. I'll be a hyung they can count on. I'll be a good son. And he kept working until the very last day.
Then after an hours-long, exhausting drive home, expecting to be able to get at least a single decent night's rest before starting back at his cafe job the next day, Chan was horrified to find his father there, wreaking havoc, and even after the police had escorted the man off the premises, recounting and sorting the scene out with his family had taken quite a while, and he found himself too riled up to sleep afterward.
Maybe he prided himself a little on his ability to help others, even while he was running on empty. Because who else could they depend on? When Dad was a lousy, lying, squandering drunk, how else would he have turned out? What else was there to do but work every day of his life, harder than anyone else, so that he could give the money to his mother and hope she'd use it before Dad got to it?
Maybe he wouldn't let anyone help him. He was okay. He always had to be okay, so that no one would worry. All he wanted was to see those happy, smiling faces, and if he had to run himself into the ground to make it happen, so be it.
...But this morning (when he stumbled to get himself ready to jump straight back into working, heading out to his car to find some clean clothes), instead of those happy smiles, in his mind, he saw a frown: Changbin's disapproving face.
[ a few days ago ]
Chan silenced the alarm on his phone as Changbin set down his pencil and stared at him disapprovingly. That was disappointing. He'd hardly gotten any studying done this whole time.
Oh well. Guess I'll be doing more physics after I finish my shift.
