SEQUEL TO HOLD ME
"it's only human."
those are words that stick in the minds of eight boys who have found themselves closer than ever because of a year spent at the same college.
minsung, seungin, changhyunlix... and chan :')
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Chan was "resting" this week.
Funny joke, right?
Apparently, as it happened, Chan was a bit of an insomniac. He wouldn't have known, because for years, he'd learned to push himself until his body literally shut down automatically. But if he tried to sleep before he got to that point? Well...
The windows were open. The breeze cool. The summer crickets still young; still distant and quiet.
He'd been lying there for two hours.
Was it always like this? The way his ears felt as if filled with an unending static hum and with the pulsing beat of his heart? Did it always feel like so much work to keep his eyelids shut tight so they wouldn't pop back open on their own?
His back hurt. His mouth was dry. His body was hot in some places and cold in others. He tossed and turned over and over, desperate to find a comfortable position.
It wasn't just the bombardment of bodily sensations he was annoyingly aware of (seemingly for the first time) that was keeping him up. Other things were bothering him; bouncing around his mind as if his attempts to fall asleep were nothing but a game of table tennis.
I can't even keep my eyes shut. I'm wasting time.
Tick-tock.
You're useless.
What if dad's out there?
Thump. Thump. Thump.
This is pathetic.
I'll never sleep with my heart pounding like this.
What if he's angry that we called the cops on him. What if he's more wasted than ever and looking for something to take his rage out on. I've always known there was violence buried inside him somewhere. What if...
Screeeeech.
Are those sirens I hear through the window?
He shot up in a quick-breaking cold sweat, holding his breath, listening closely. No, it must've been a figment of his imagination. He was, of course, sleep-deprived and paranoid. So he sunk back down, wide eyes boring holes into the dark. Anxiety winding his exhausted muscles up tight.
He just couldn't go on like this. Worrying constantly that his father would slip into the house again while Chan wasn't there to ward him off— or perhaps, while he was asleep. If he ever fell asleep again. This was shaping up to be his second consecutive all-nighter. The longer Chan went without working and the longer they went without a word from the police, the harder it became to fall asleep.
