It's midnight, my heart is so cold, so much on my chest but I do not know what to say
Yet I try so hard to build a city of words to say, but each second that goes by I'm failing.
*type... delete... retype... delete...*
How is it possible that there's a huge lamp on my throat, yet I feel nothing. Nothing enough to be put in words.
Everything is okay yet today nothing feels right.
Im staring at a blank page with nothing but the lines engraved in the book, a blank screen with nothing but the blinking blue cursor.
The space between me and screaming on top of my lungs is as tiny as the little wholes in the socket on my wall.
My heart is beating really fast in fear,
Fear of loosing myself again. Someone please make her believe that it will be okay, I will be okay.
Laying on my back, my eyes staring at the ceiling, it's 2am now. I'm wide awake, terrified with the fact that I still cannot find my words, the lamp on my throat has gotten bigger. The cursor is still blinking and the lines on my book are still there.
*write... cancel... rewrite... cancel..*
It's 4am now, I'm starting to find peace, I still cannot fathom how I feel but at least I am a tad bit still.
My eyes are red, the bags under my eyes seem to have gotten darker. Yet a part of me is starting to feel calmer.
Let's try one more time..
*Write..cancel... rewrite.. cancel..*
*tear.. crumple.. throw on the floor*
It's 5am I should be mad, but I just seem to be getting more and more calm. I do not have a desire to scream at the top of my lungs anymore, so I choose to finally rest my mind. For now I'm under control, the melatonin and serotonin sure are on patrol.
What time will I possibly get up?
7? Maybe 10? Maybe 11? Or noon?
Whatever time I do wake up, if I wake up tired with swollen eyes? Please just let me be, because the previous night I braved a war. Not a war that keeps you lurking the streets during the dark night, a war that one fears and quickly runs away. But this one was inside me,one that even if I tried I could not run away.
But above all, this is a blessing, a blessing in disguise.
It is evidence enough that not all days will be "under control" not all days will let you feel whole, some days you will not be able to express just exactly how you feel.
but it is important that during those days, you keep your faith.
Because those are the days that build you to be strong.
YOU ARE READING
EVERY LAST WORD
PoesíaWas I too soft, or was the world too hard on me? -a bunch of poetry I have written over time in accordance with the occurrences of my life.. I hope someone maybe two people find peace in reading what I've written and know you aren't alone and it wi...
