GRAVITY | KAY FLOCK [DISCONTINUED]

XLI

September 3, 2020
Sevside

"We need to find a place with an elevator that works. We can't be carrying a baby, a car seat, and a stroller up this dirty ass staircase," Kay said as we walked into my building, taking notice of the 'out of order' sign on the elevator. That sign has been on the elevator on and off since I moved in.

"Come on," he said as he led me to the staircase.

He kept his hand positioned on my lower back as we walked up the stairs. He's been extra protective and won't let me lift a finger to do anything for myself. It's a little annoying but I'm just letting him do him. My mind is completely preoccupied with more important things.

My conversation with Dougie keeps replaying in my mind and it's taking me to a dark place. I've lost both of my parents and now I've lost my twin too. What the fuck have I done to deserve this shit?

Kay unlocked the door and went to set our food down on the coffee table. I kept walking toward my bedroom and felt Kay's eyes burning a hole through my back.

"Where you going?" Kay asked.

"I gotta wash my hands," I mumbled as I kept walking.

Obviously, I was lying. I could've easily washed my hands in the kitchen. I just don't want him to see me break down. We stayed at his place last night and that was the only reason I kept my composure for so long. Now that I'm home, I feel the emotions coming over me.

I locked the door to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. That was the last straw. The tears began flowing. I can't even face myself. I feel so hopeless. I don't know why things like this happen to me.

I closed my eyes and sat down on the floor with my face buried in my hands. I wiped my tears as they fell, which was pointless, because they just kept streaming down my face. I sobbed quietly for a while until I was having a full blown panic attack.

"Nini! You good?" I heard Kay ask as he approached the bathroom door. I started panicking more because I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Nah. You crying?" He paused for a few seconds and listented on the other side of the door. " Armoni, open the door," he spoke when he realized that I was crying.

I stayed in the same spot as I tried calming myself down. Somehow, he ended up getting the door open. Then, he pulled me up from the floor and into his arms, rubbed my back, and told me to take deep breaths.

"I'm sorry," I wheezed between my gasps for breath.

"You ain't got nothing to apologize for."

Panic attacks are the worst. It feels like I'm in an inescapable whirlwind of tears and emotions. I start panicking because it's hard for me to breathe.

"Thank you," I said as I kept my face buried in his hoodie. I took in the smell of his cologne as I kept taking deep breaths to ground myself in the present moment.

Kay led me into my bedroom and sat down at my desk. He pulled me onto his lap and we sat together in silence for a few minutes.

"You good?"

"I guess."

"What's going on?" Kay asked. "Hm?" He asked as he intertwined our fingers together.

"Dougie wants to move out."

"Let him...I'm not tryna come between you and your brother or nothing like that. But I'm not jacking how he treated you yesterday. Maybe y'all need some time apart," Kay said.

"No, we don't. He was just upset," I sniffled.

"Ek told me what he said to you. He shouldn't have said no shit like that to you regardless of the situation. I don't give a fuck how tight he was," Kay spoke.