What I Should Have Said

24

Elizabeth stared down at the black coffee in her cup. Eleanor struggled to find a way to properly have a conversation with her daughter. She glanced down and noticed the engagement ring on her daughter's hand. "You're married?" Eleanor smiled, trying to make polite conversation. Elizabeth glanced down at her hand, "I'm engaged. He proposed about a month ago."

"I hope he treats you well." Eleanor smiled.

Elizabeth looked up at her mother, " Why am I here?"

"I just wanted to catch up." Eleanor replied.

"Enough of the niceties and crap." Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Betty I still care about you. I never stopped thinking about you or loving you, I'm not being insincere." Eleanor replied.

Elizabeth scoffed, "How can you say that yet be the one who abandoned me?"

"I didn't abandon you." Eleanor quietly replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry I must have forgotten the 20 years where I had a mother and didn't have to look after my drunken father just to make sure he was still alive and I didn't lose yet another fucking parent." Elizabeth sarcastically replied.

"I never wanted that put on you, that wasn't on me." Eleanor replied.

" Why the hell did you leave?" Elizabeth glared.

Eleanor looked down and fidgeted with her hands. "It's not easy to explain."

"Oh please." Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Betty." She sighed, "I wasn't happy."

"So you leave me completely?" Elizabeth glared.

"After you and I would have our talks...out in the garden...when you would help me in the kitchen... the more I began to think about everything. There was no point in trying to fix what was already dead and wasn't working for me anymore." Eleanor sighed.

"Then you should've gotten a fucking divorce, why would you abandon your daughter?!" Elizabeth argued.

"Betty it wasn't that simple." Eleanor replied.

"In what fucking way mom?" Elizabeth glared.

"Because I wasn't happy in my marriage and I was having an affair." Eleanor confessed.

Elizabeth stared at her in shock. "You? The one who constantly accused Dad of cheating when he would come home late? " She questioned. Eleanor looked away in shame. "So you left us for some other man?" Elizabeth questioned.

Eleanor looked up at Elizabeth and took a deep breath, " I left your father for a woman."

Elizabeth's face turned into one of shock. She was speechless. "I was seeing a woman I befriended while working at the shop. She was a frequent customer and one day we went out as friends...and eventually that turned into more." Eleanor explained.

"You were the one who told me it was wrong..." Elizabeth quietly replied.

Eleanor nodded, "I know what I said...But I was wrong. Once you started to ask questions I panicked and maybe thought you heard or saw something."

Elizabeth sat back against the booth seat and tried to process the news. Years of thinking something was wrong with her and being told it was wrong by the person she loved and trusted the most. She didn't know how to process it. It didn't make anything her mother told her any less true. It was dangerous. People were constantly being attacked and killed, and their rights and entire existence were questioned and put up for debate. It wasn't safe.

"Then why the hell did you marry dad?" Elizabeth asked, trying to gain further understanding.

"I met your dad when we were young. He was always nice and we got along well, but things like this weren't very accepted during our time. It was safer to marry and keep that part hidden. But over time it just led to me developing such a deep sense of self-loathing and when I met Giselle that all changed." Eleanor explained.

"Giselle?" Elizabeth questioned.

"My...Partner." Eleanor replied. Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief, "So I guess I wasn't that important to you then." Eleanor shook her head, "That's not true at all, Betty you were my baby I loved you." She extended her hand out to touch Elizabeth's. Elizabeth pulled her hand away and slid out of the booth. "Clearly that wasn't enough because mom thought another woman was worth losing her daughter." Elizabeth replied.

"Betty..." Eleanor frowned, hurt by her daughter's words.

"No. I don't want to hear it. You're a fucking hypocrite and a liar and I want nothing to do with you." Elizabeth coldly replied and stormed off.

--

Elizabeth got home and set her things down. She felt exhausted and mentally drained. Alex came out of the room once he heard the front door close. "I thought you said you were on your way?" He asked. Elizabeth looked over at him in silence. He noticed how exhausted she looked and grew worried. " Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Dad is getting worse... I don't know how much longer he can hold on anymore." She replied.

"Then he should be top priority on the list, shouldn't he?" Alex questioned.

"He isn't critical enough to be at the top yet, and they still need to find a match." She explained. "So did something happen?" He asked. "They got him stable again, but he isn't looking great." She replied. "I mean... is there something else that happened?" He asked.

Elizabeth stayed silent and thought about her mother. She was still trying to process everything and didn't know how to feel about everything. In part she was angry and she had every right to be. But another part felt indifferent, her mother was everything she grew to hate about herself. The years she spent crying in her bedroom with no one to turn to. Constantly feeling like something was wrong with her and never having a clear answer. Sometimes she still felt like she didn't have the answer.

"No...I'm just hoping he won't be waiting much longer." She sighed.

"I'm sure that day is coming soon and you'll be able to have him at his best again." Alex softly smiled.

"I don't care about that. The sooner he gets better the sooner I don't have to be his caretaker anymore." Elizabeth coldly replied and walked off to their bedroom. Alex sighed and watched her walk away. He knew she said things like that to deflect from her true feelings but it was better to let her be than to incite a fight.