Burns & Bruises

Chapter 29| Bad Alone

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Jamarion Montique POV
Saturday, April 21st
4:13 pm

Different emotions rage through me as I watch Shanice's mother on her knees scrubbing her grave. I stare at the grave in disbelief as that's the primary emotion I feel right now. It's usually the only emotion I feel whenever I visit her.

Disbelief

Disbelief that she's dead and no longer with me

"Jamarion could you pass the hose please" Angela requests and I pass the hose to her and watch as she hoses down the grave.

This is something that we do every year for her birthday and death anniversary, This is the first year that I am not inconsolable and I think everyone around me is surprised and confused at the same time.

Mi love Shanice with mi heart but at the same time, I feel like I owe it to myself to try and move on.

I am not saying that I got up today and all of a sudden, I no longer feel the pain that I have been feeling for years now or that I no longer carry a heavy burden of guilt but I have reached the point where I am giving myself grace.

Shanice will forever be my first love and I will forever love her but I am now at the stage where I want to share the love that I have kept all to her all these years.

"Yuh good?" Murray asks as he stares at the grave in front of us which is now being decorated with flowers and a whole bunch of things that have no use to the dead.

"Yeah," I answer him quickly causing him to turn and look at me.

With knitted eyebrows, he stares at me an unreadable expression playing on his face.

"Wah, mek yuh answer suh fast?" He chuckles uncomfortably as he stares at me and I rub my temple.

"Mi good, Ronaldo it still no easy but as the days go by it gets easier and mi a slowly move on. Mi nah guh forget har but at the same time me need fi start live me life. As you said there is nothing mi can do fi bring har back and mi slowly a come to terms with that. Mi know mi always a seh mi ready fi move on but mi feel ready fi true" I express and he nods his head.

"Yuh nah guh ever let guh weh mi seh?" He questions chuckling and a hiss comes from me.

"No, a shoulda tump out two a yuh damn teeth dem" I joke and he pushes me away from him.

"Yuh love gwaan like yuh bad and yuh thing water down" He taunts and my head turns swiftly in his direction.

"Ramping yuh a look and mi nuh love man," I hiss as I step away from the view of my dead wife's grave and over to my parents.

"Where's Maleek?" Mommy asks for the tenth time seen she has seen me.

"Lady every time, yuh see mi yuh ask mi deh question deh"

A loud laughter escapes my father and my mother rolls her eyes calling over Ana.

"You know where Maleek is?" She questions Ana and I roll my eyes as I scan the table lined with food.

Ole fart not even ask mi if mi good

"You good?" I swear if one more person asks mi this mi aguh tek out mi rass ear drums dem.

"Yes, Daddy mi good" I stress before turning around to see the concerned look in his eyes.

Removing the bass and attitude from my voice I let go a sigh and answer his question the way I know he wants to hear it.