I'll Be Seeing You

The First Fight

  "Hey, I think we need to talk. Are you home?"

Lydia almost dropped her phone. She had texted Jamie four times since she got home from the event last night and he hadn't answered a single one. Now, he wanted to talk?

Feeling like a loser for not being somewhere else on a Thursday night, Lydia waited a whole five minutes then responded with, "Yes, come over."

An hour later, Jamie was at her door.

"Hi. Lydia. How are you?" He took off his shoes. She noted he left them as close to the door as possible.

Lydia didn't respond. She walked away from the door without so much as a hello back. She went into the living room bypassing any offer of water or a snack and plopped down on the couch. She waited for him to follow her into the apartment and repeated his greeting in her head.

"Hi, Lydia. How are you?" He had put on his 'corporate understanding voice' aka the voice he used with clients who he found to be difficult or pains in the ass. He used this voice when he wanted to appear conciliatory but still get his way. To use this voice incensed Lydia to no end. She would not fall for the bullshit of the conference room speech.

Jamie hovered in the entry to the living room. "You know things have been weird recently."

Lydia looked up at him in glaring silence. She would not give him an out.

He looked slightly nauseous. "I thought about our past conversations. I have had a great time hanging out with you. But with work changes and with my life, I just don't think that now is the right time for me to continue seeing someone, anyone, in any capacity. But you're a really cool girl."

Cool? Lydia had never been called cool in her life and that's because it wasn't a compliment. Cool is what you said to someone when you didn't want to offend them. Surely there was a better adjective than "cool" to describe Lydia Barrows.

Jamie persisted. "Look, you're cool and I've had a great time. But I can't afford not to focus right now."

There was that word again. Lydia gripped her fingers into the pillow she held in her lap. She wasn't cool. She was enraged. He had come over to lecture her about the importance of focus? What did he think she had been trying to do this whole time. She had to get her life in order but every time she tried to sit down and make a move, like research a new role and look into a different industry her thoughts drifted over to the chaotic dynamic she had with Jamie. She wasn't quite sure whose fault it was but she knew for certain it didn't feel good anymore.

"I just think we should go back to being friends."

"We were never friends." The words escaped her lips, and she allowed herself a moment to watch the hurt wash over his face. It was a true statement; they were never friends. They had never known the platonic intimacy of friendship.

Lydia kept going. "I don't want or need any more friends. And I find it odd that you're saying this when you've been sending me a ton of mixed messages. You only find a problem with dating your coworker now that its inconvenient for you? Once again you're making a ton of decisions without even thinking about the other person in this equation. Who says you get to make the rules?"

Jamie looked at her like she was naïve and their three-year age gap suddenly felt more apparent than ever. "I understand what we did in the past—"

Lydia interjected, "What you did. I haven't done anything." She knew she was lying. She had actively seduced him. She had encouraged him to care for her when he didn't want to. She had promoted this but refused to take outward responsibility. That would mean showing her cards and at this moment she wasn't inclined to do that.