I'll Be Seeing You

Bye Bye Baby

Three months had passed since they had spoken. It seemed odd to Lydia that she had managed to make it through the holidays without ever speaking directly to him. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him. He still sat three seats down from her. She still heard his voice daily and passed him in the halls. The first few weeks had been tough. She had spent the majority of time hiding in her cubicle and turning down invitations for drinks. She didn't want to be out and then drunk text him. She couldn't risk it.

Somewhere along the way, perhaps between New Years and Valentine's Day she found it getting easier. She wasn't over him. She had simply learned how to live near him and without him. Looking back, they had spent very little time together on the whole. But she felt his absence. A day had yet to go by where she hadn't thought of a million things to tell him. Yet, she had to keep it herself. It was the only thing she could do to make work and being around him more bearable. If she didn't speak of it, it couldn't exist.

In the three months, she had put in decent effort and trying to find a new job but she had no usable skills. Every job application she looked at began to swim in front of her eyes when she ready the list of qualifications she didn't have. It had begun to feel hopeless.

Lydia was home from work. It was the first snow day she'd had as an employee and it didn't feel quite as exciting as it had when she was in school. She hadn't woken up to watch the ticket tape on the local news telling her school was closed. Instead, she had been up and awake, ready to walk out the door. It was horrible outside but she hadn't gotten any email telling her the office was closed. Thank God for Bev's text letting her know she should stay home and "only idiots go out in this."

Climbing back into bed, she opened her laptop and checked her email. "Holy. Fuck."

The first item in her inbox read "Columbia University Decision" and she stared at it in disbelief. She had stopped thinking she was going to get into grad school. She had gotten rejections from both NYU and The New School on Valentine's Day and had found herself crying in the girls' bathroom hiding from everyone, but most of all Jamie. Of course, she had been rejected on Valentine's Day. The universe must have been having a great laugh at her expense.

Columbia was the final school she applied to. If she didn't get in, there was no plan B. She took a deep breath and was surprised to feel fear rising up inside of her. She had forgotten how much was riding on this. Grad school meant she had an out. She could leave C.K. and Jamie behind and get on with a life she wanted. She needed to get in because she didn't know what else to do. The job hunt was futile and she felt like she was stuck. A spark of joy had gone out in here somewhere between graduation day and now. She wanted it back desperately and Columbia may be her last shot.

Clicking open the email, she burst into tears as electronic confetti spilled down the page. "Congratulations" was printed in bold bright letters across the screen. She had gotten in. She leaned back against her headboard and let the tears drip down her cheeks as she laughed to herself. She had done it. She had actually done it.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled, looking around her room. To her dismay, she felt the crushing realization that there wasn't anyone there to celebrate with. For the slightest moment she let the sadness wash over her. In an alternate reality, he could have been there. He would have been the first person she told. Instead, she picked up the phone and called home. After a quick explanation of getting in, her mom was still baffled.

"I'm not getting it. When did you decide to apply to school?" Lydia had purposefully

kept this a secret. She hadn't thought it would be such a big deal but if she didn't get in, she couldn't handle the extra layer of falling short of her mom's expectations.