Coming In Out of The Dark.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
As soon as they got in the Range Rover, Harry started the engine without any further delay, not wanting to spend another second in this God forbidden place. He wanted to get away from this place as fast as possible and get Louis home to safety. Louis rested his head against the cold glass of the window and watched in his side mirror the houses being demolished as Harry drove them away. He watched them fall, brick by brick crumbling, taking away with them all the horrors of his childhood nightmares. He sighed heavily but did not move or say anything. He closed his eyes because he felt mentally and emotionally drained, a tiredness that no amount of sleep could ever make better. He felt sad and hurt, the pain inside him so big and heavy, wanting to come out so badly but he didn't know how to do that. He wanted Harry to take him in his arms so he could cry but he didn't know if that was possible. He didn't know what Harry was feeling or what Harry was thinking. For all intents and purposes, Harry was already done with him and will tell him that its over between them once they got home.
And can you really blame him for dumping you? You are far too damaged for him to try and fix. It's not his job to do it. Do you think he can actually live with the ghosts of your past? He will think of what you did every time he looks at you. Nobody loves a whore.
Louis couldn't really blame him no. In fact, he was expecting Harry to let him down as gently as he could the moment they got back home and that frightened Louis so much. He couldn't live without Harry. Harry was his anchor. Harry was his home. Harry was the every breath in his lungs and every beat of his heart. How could he possible live without him? He shivered violently at just the thought of going back to London alone and manage the mess that he was.
Harry saw him shiver and immediately turned the heater on. He could see and feel the sadness radiating off of Louis but he didn't know what to do or what to say because he was still processing everything that Louis had told him. In all honesty, he had expected bad but this? This was horrifying and Harry didn't know what he was feeling exactly. He needed to sort his feelings out before dealing with Louis. He didn't want Louis to see him weak. He couldn't be weak! He had to be strong for Louis but at the moment, Harry wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry for all that had happened to his Louis.
He could understand now why Louis was the way he was. Why he needed his boys, why he had raped him, why he was so afraid of getting close, why he got mad when Harry had thrown at him on multiple occasions that he was nothing to him but a whore. He understood now why Louis was kind and had helped him with his education and was helping Niall get ahead in his company. He understood that Louis was paying forward the kindness that had been bestowed on him when he had needed it the most. He understood now why he had agreed to part own Garland's with Adam because he owed Adam so much. It all made sense and fit together like the pieces of a puzzle and Harry felt that he understood Louis so much more now.
The drive back home was made in complete and utter silence. Neither one of them spoke, each lost in their own thoughts. Harry wondered if Louis was about to stop talking again because he was awfully silent and it was giving Harry a bad feeling in his guts. He reached out and placed his hand gently on Louis' thigh but Louis startled and moved away from Harry's touch, crushing his body closer to the car door, not even looking at Harry. It was as if he was lost somewhere in his past and Harry's touch had scared him. Harry placed his hand back on the wheel and decided to leave it well alone. Maybe talk in the morning after they had slept off this horrible nightmare.
