His Detka

4. Gone

It's been almost two months since I joined the Avengers Initiative. I've been waking up at 6 AM every day and getting ready slowly. I would have at least one cup of coffee with Jamie on the balcony of our apartment every morning. I couldn't believe this was our life and in two weeks, I would be Mrs. Isla Blaire Reagan. 

Jamie had originally gone to and graduated from law school and had a job for a little while as a lawyer, however, he knew deep down in his heart that it wasn't his calling. He wanted to honor his brother Joe, who had died in the line of duty as an NYPD officer. Jamie is very close with his family. Joe and him were especially close and I wish that I could have met him. The stories that Jamie, his brother Danny, and his sister Erin all tell of him make me feel like I knew him. Joe is brought up at least once every Sunday after church for lunch at the Reagan household. Something that the Reagan family has done for years, and definitely something I don't foresee stopping anytime soon. 

I was sparring with Steve just after lunch and Nat & Papa were in my corner of the ring shouting different moves for me to do or to keep my focus. I didn't think I was ready to take on a Super Soldier, but everyone else thought I was, so here I am. So far, I wasn't doing half bad. I was keeping up for the most part, until I got distracted when I heard the training room door open and Steve pinned me to the ground. Tony had just walked in and waved for Papa & Nat to walk over to him. He looked pretty sad, I was hoping that everything was alright for him. They spoke in hushed tones and I couldn't hear anything they were saying. Suddenly Steve's face looked sad also. Thank you Super Serum for that giving my new friend Super Hearing too. 

Nat, Papa, and Tony all walked over and asked for me to follow them to one of the conference rooms. I was hoping that I wasn't in trouble or that I wasn't being suspended for the poor performance with Steve just now. I am my own worst critic. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that today would ever happen to me. 

Tony opened the door to the conference room and PC Reagan, his assistant Baker, Danny, Erin, and Jamie's Grandpa Henry were there. They all looked sad and like they'd been crying. I knew immediately that something happened to Jamie and I was praying to God that he wasn't dead. When I made eye contact with Danny and Erin, I KNEW that something bad had happened to Jamie. 

Frank Reagan spoke first. "Blaire, I am so sorry." He was starting to tear up. He wasn't going to be able to finish that sentence, try as he might. Baker looked at him and placed her hand on his forearm. He nodded to her and then she looked to me with a very sorrowful expression as she said "Isla Coulson-Barton, I deeply regret to inform you that your fiance', Jameson Reagan, was killed in the line of duty earlier today."

"No. No, that's not possible." I shook my head not wanting to believe it. "I told him 'I love you' this morning and to be careful and to come back home to me. He was supposed to come back to me." my eyes welling up with tears. My voice cracked at 

Baker continued "There was a shoot out that occurred as him and his partner, Vincent Cruz, responded to a call at the Bitterman Houses. They were both rushed to the hospital but succumbed to their injuries in the ambulances."

With that, I broke down. I felt my heart stop, I couldn't breathe. It was like someone had come up to me and kicked the wind out of my lungs. I turned to Papa and he was crying. I opened my arms and I embraced him with for a hug. My body was convulsing as the pain of heartbreak and sadness hit me. The tears were free flowing and I honestly didn't know when or if it would stop. Papa rubbed my back, and Nat played with my hair. 

Jamie left me. Not purposefully, but he left me. He was gone. We were supposed to be together forever. We were going to have a little house with two kids, and a dog that we were going to live in until we died. He was going to drive that Camaro that Joe loved and left for him once a week and bring the kids along every now and then once they were a little older. He was supposed to grow old with me. He wasn't supposed to leave me two weeks before our wedding. 

I looked up, still crying, and walked over to Erin and embraced her in the biggest hug. We had become practically like sisters. She was always so nice to me. Danny, Frank, and Henry all walked up and waited each of their turns. Their eyes were puffy and tear streaked like mine. Baker came over and embraced me in a hug as well. She wasn't one to show much emotion but as a LEO wife, she knew that this was the worst part of the job and it was something that she dreaded every time her and her husband walked out the door. 

I looked at Frank Reagan and asked "When can I see Jamie's body?"

"We can take you whenever your ready. I'm sorry about bringing the whole crew but you're a member of this family and we knew you needed all of us." he said. 

"I really appreciate it and I'd appreciate it even more if y'all were there with me. I don't care that they know, I'm actually relieved about it now." I said. 

"We'll be right there with you, kid." stated Danny Reagan.

"I'll go grab my keys and my purse and I'll meet you all out front." I said.

They all nodded and started to walk out slowly. Clint & Nat looked at me and asked if I'd like one or both of them to come with me. "I'd like for both of you to be there with me. Please." 

"Absolutely, honey. We'll be with you every step of the way." Nat said. 

With that, I turned on my heel and walked to the foyer and grabbed my keys and my purse. Nat and Papa were right behind. I handed the keys to dad and asked "Do you think you could drive? I don't think I'm in the best shape right now."

"Whatever you need, honey." was all he replied. 

We followed the Reagans down to the morgue. His body had been transferred from the hospital to the morgue in the time that they came to break the news to me. I didn't want to get out of the car, but I knew that if I didn't I might regret not coming later. So, I took a deep breath and I opened the door. The coroner gave us all a mournful smile. He had worked with Jamie and Danny on occasion for different cases in the past. He pulled back the sheet, and there he was. My beloved, Jamie.

I reached out and touched his cheek. Hoping that maybe this was all just a bad dream and he'd wake up to my touch like he normally did, but there was nothing. No movement. No warmth. I would never see him smile again. I would never hear that laugh that made my heart soar. I would never hear him tell stories about his shifts. I would never watch him leave to go out to work and I most definitely would never see him come back home to me ever again.

I looked up at Commissioner Reagan and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I embraced him and cried. 

June 21, 2020, was the day my world stopped turning. A day that I will never forget as long as I live.