His Detka

5. The Funeral

DATE: June 24, 2020

It's been three days. Three whole days since my world came crumbling down. Tony told me to take as much time as I needed. Today was the day that we were burying my beloved Jamie.

I sat on the edge of the bed wearing a black dress that hugged my body in all the right places. It was one of the favorite dresses that Jamie loved. He wanted me to wear it a lot of the time when we went out. He said that I made that dress look good and that if any other woman were to wear it that it just wouldn't look right. I was staring off into space and twirling my engagement ring. I hadn't stopped playing with it since I was given the earth shattering news. 

Sitting in our shared apartment was tough, but I couldn't bear to leave it. Jamie and I had some of our best memories here. He had actually proposed here. This apartment was going to be our starter place. You know, the place where we'd live as newlyweds to enjoy the marriage as just the two of us. Then once we were ready to have kids, we'd move closer to his dad's house since he lived in a nice neighborhood. We wanted to be near family and we wanted our kids to have a backyard to run around in. We didn't want to raise kids in an apartment if we didn't have to. 

Suddenly, there was knocking on the door. I debated on opening the door at all. I didn't want to leave the house and I hadn't since I got home three days ago. Papa and Nat had both come by yesterday to check on me. They brought food, but I wasn't all that hungry. I picked at it and ate a couple of bites. I'm almost certain that was the depression taking over my body. 

The knocking started again, so I finally decided to pick myself up off the bed and go open the door. I stood at our door and I took a deep breath as I slowly pulled it open. There at my door was Tony, Pepper, Happy, Steve, Nat, Bruce, Papa, Maria Hill, Wanda, and a dark haired man I've never met before. 

"Hey kiddo, we hope you don't mind. We wanted to tag along to be there for you today." said Tony. 

I knew that Papa, Nat, and Bruce would be coming, everyone else was quite the surprise. 

I gave a small nod, and gestured for everyone to come in. I looked at the dark-haired man and said "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met. My name is Isla but you can call me Blaire."

"Blaire, this is Vision. We had him change his appearance so that he wouldn't draw attention to himself." stated Wanda. 

"Now that I look at you, I do see the resemblance. It's just a little odd since I've never seen you like this."

"It's okay, Blaire. I don't normally take on this form unless I'm trying to blend in."

"Alright, Detka. Are you ready to go?" asked Papa. 

"No. I don't think anyone is every really ready for this sort of thing."

"Here, give me the keys. I'll drive today." stated Papa.

I handed him the keys and looked over at Nat & Bruce and said "Nanny, do you think that you and Uncle Bruce could ride with Papa and I?"

"Absolutely, Detka. Whatever you need." stated Bruce. 

We all walked out of Jamie & I's apartment to start making our way downstairs to the cars. Papa locked the door once everyone was out. He held me in a side hug as we walked down the stairs. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.. but I had to. Today was the day.

When we got to the church, I saw the Reagan family and took my place in-between Danny and Erin. Linda, Danny's wife, walked around behind Danny to give me one of her comforting hugs. I didn't want to let her go, but there were friends and colleagues of Jamie's that were wanting to offer me their condolences. I shook a lot of hands and said a lot of "thank you"s. Papa stood behind me the whole time for moral support. 

Once the big crowd was sat within the church, the priest walked up and said that he was ready to begin. The priest gave me a brief hug. He was going to be the one to marry us in 11 days. Linda, Jack & Sean (Danny & Linda's sons), along with Nicky (Erin's daughter), and Papa walked to our reserved pews and waited for us to walk in. 

The priest put us in line behind Jamie's casket as follows:
Myself (since I was almost his wife)
Danny and Erin, side by side
Frank and Henry, side by side

When the pianist started playing, we all followed in line behind the casket and walked up to the front of the church. I kissed the top of the casket before I found my seat in the pew. Mama, Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel were sitting on the other side of Papa. Something I was really grateful for. I had been smart enough not to wear make up to this funeral because I was going to cry it all off anyways. The priest spoke highly of Jamie. He then asked for Commissioner Reagan to speak. It was normal and mandatory for the Commissioner to speak at a funeral of one of his fallen officers, and it was always hard because he cared about each of his officers, but being that this was his son, it was going to be really hard. Possibly harder than when he had to give the speech at Joe's funeral.

He gave a beautiful speech about the officer, son, brother, and fiance' that he was. He asked Jamie to look over all of us with Joe and their mom, Mary.  It moved me to tears. Not that that was hard to do right now anyway. Everything he said was spot on and I honestly didn't know how or if I was going to be able to top it. He walked off the pulpit and over to me. I stood up and gave him a hug, and walked up to the pulpit. I looked up and into the crowd. I was shaking. There were so many people there. Fellow officers, distant family, and our friends. 

I took a deep breath and started my speech. 

"Thank you everyone for coming today. It means the world to not only myself but the Reagan family as well. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Isla Barton. I am-" I look down as I try to hold back my tears. Which was unsuccessful, because when I looked back up to continue, a couple of rogue tears made their way down my face. "I was Jamie's fiance'... We were supposed to get married here at this church in less than 2 weeks. I've been at home for two and a half days crying and going through the pictures and videos from our time together. I tried so hard to think of how to best honor him with a speech, but despite all my efforts, I couldn't think of anything. Then last night before I fell asleep, it hit me. I'm going to say the vows that I had written for our wedding with a little bit of tweaking. I hope y'all don't mind."

I looked over to Erin and Linda, and they were almost as bad off as I was on the inside. I looked around and saw Papa, Mama, and Nat. They gave me an encouraging nod, and with that I was ready to finish strong.

"Jamie, you are the love of my life. I have loved you every day with everything that I am and I will continue to do so. You completed me. You are all I ever think about. You made me happy. You have done nothing but love me, motivate me, and encourage me to go after what I want in life. I know that loving me isn't easy. I carry a little bit of emotional baggage with me. I have my demons, and you help me slay them one at a time. At the end of a bad day, there is no one else that I want to hold or see, more than you. You make me better, and you make me want to be better. God knew what he was doing when he sent me to you. You were different from all of those other guys. You were kind, loving, smart, funny, and caring. You made me feel things I didn't know I could feel. You made me feel: safe, empowered, confident, beautiful, respected, cherished, and valued. I love you for who you are. Sharing life with you has been the greatest experience of my life."

I pause and look at my feet for a moment so that I can wipe my nose and gather the last little bit of strength I had. I look up and there isn't a dry eye in the church. I motion for Danny and Frank to walk forward to the casket and I step down from the pulpit and make my way over. They very carefully raised the top half open, and I looked at my love one last time, taking in his peaceful features.

I carefully pulled out the silver wedding band that I had purchased for Jamie and I said "I give you this ring, as a symbol of my everlasting love for you. May our everlasting friendship reign forevermore. I love you, Jamie, with all of my heart." and I slipped the ring on his left ring finger and then I gave him one last kiss. "Goodbye, my love." I walked back to the pew, and plopped down between Papa and Mama. I turned to Mama, and I cried in her embrace.