Back to the start line - Minsung

Ending

Jisung and I have known since we were kids. He has been my dearest friend out of everyone ever, always. He is so important and he doesn't even know it. I feel bad because I'm not natural with showing him just how much he means.

He means so much.

I wish I could be better with emotions. That's one of things Jisung has made me to work on. And I'm trying, I really am. Giving my best and putting my all in.

For Jisung, I'd do anything.

We have always been close. Jisung is the touchy one but I don't mind his hugs. We're both equally silly, having countless inside jokes and laughing at the same things always. I'm the weird one but Jisung is the cute one. We have a lot in common and there is just.. something that make us sync so well.

It's us that make us sync so well. To put it simply.

I have known Jisung has had issues with his pretty little head as well as some issues at home. I know he's tending to social anxiety, over thinking and low self esteem. I know he has confidence issues, insecurities and doesn't see himself too worthy.

It hurts me because he is so wrong. Jisung is so wrong, believing all those lies his brain makes up.

I should have done better. To show him how wonderful, how capable, how pretty he is. To show him I love him, including all the flaws which aren't a bad thing, only making him even more special. They make him glow even brighter.

Jisung is unique for sure.

I shoud have protected his glow better.

Jisung hardly talks about too personal things and neiher do I. It's just something that never happens. I don't know what is the problem, seeing otherwise we're both very open.

Honestly, when Jisung came out to me that one night, it wasn't as big of a surprise as one would imagine it to be. Jisung just has always had this vibe in him. I was sure he wasn't into girls and I was right.

But hearing he's into me? I felt like the luckiest, the happiest man on Earth. It was such a jackpot, scoring myself the greatest man alive and all to myself.

God, I love him. So much.

I have been watching him sleeping on that damn bed for days. There is no signs of him waking uo anytime soon. Plus, the only signs showing me he is still alive is the slight rising and falling of his chest in the rhythm of his breathing as well as the line of the heart monitor.

It goes up and down, beeping from time to time. It gives me hope, keeping me awake and reassured.

There is nothing to do. I have been so bored. Ugh, that sounds wrong. I do want to be here- of course I'm going to be here, but I would prefer being home with Jisung in my arms. Not like this.

I would prefer Jisung to be well, smiling and full of life.

It feels like we're so far away. Jisung is right here, in the same room as me, but it still feels like he's so far away from me. Like we would be in different universes, in different dimensions. Like, when I touch him, I'm unable to feel the skin on skin contact.

I can though.

I haven't been letting go of his hand. It's as if the boy would disappear into the thin air if I let go of him.

I know I look terrible; With dark bags under bloodshot eyes, skin pale and hair dirty. My eyelids feel heavy but I refuse to sleep, only falling asleep on accident from time to time and then startling awake after a few hours, terrified and out of breath.