Broken- Destiel Fanfic

19

"Are you ready?" Sam asks putting his hand on his brothers back "could I ever be?" Dean asks wiping a rouge tear from his eye. The boys make final adjustments to there suits before getting out of the impala with bobby.

Cas' funeral is filled with people, many that dean barely recognises, he knows somewhere amongt the crowd is cas' faceless sibling Michael, but a lot that he does recognise, especially, Charlie, Jo, Ellen, gabe and of course Anna, all dressed in black and looking like the life has literally been sucked out of them, but that's because it has, Cas was life to all of these people, especially dean. Nothing compared to how dean imagines he looks.

They all sit as the vicar gives the ceremony, it's a beautiful day so it's held out side, Cas would have loved it, his coffin with his lifeless body lay in side in plain sight for everyone to see, flowers covering the sides and top of the coffin. Dean doesn't take much notice as the vicar talks on, until its time for the eulogies. It was decided in the discussions there would be three, Anna would be the family representative as gabe didn't feel like he could do it, Jo would be doing one on behalf of his closest friends and then dean would go last, he hated the entire idea, he didn't want to say goodbye to Cas, he didn't want other people to say goodbye to Cas and he didn't want to have to sit through it all. He can't help but feel like Cas would have made fun of him for making such a fuss, his every little thought going back to what Cas would do, what Cas would like and what he wouldn't like, his heart shattering each and every time.

"Castiel was a sweet child.. Too sweet for the world he lived in" Anna states as she starts hers grabbing deans attention "me, Cas and gabe always had the strongest relationship in the family, we may not have shared a father but that never once mattered to him.. Though that never compared to the relationship cas had with Gabriel, they were thicker than brothers" she continues tears starting to fall from her eyes "I loved Castiel more than anything else in this world and would have given anything for him.. Cas, brother, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you.. I'm sorry that you were taken from us so soon and I'm sorry there was nothing I could do.. You're at peace now brother you don't have to cry no more" she sobs as she places a white rose on top of his casket.

Jo gets up next, already crying and by this point dean is shaking. "Cas was a weird little kid" Jo starts shaking her head laughing slightly, but the type of laugh that makes your heart shatter, deans did, "but that's why we got on so well, he was the smartest, kindest boy that I.. That any of us have ever met and I dare someone to try to tell me otherwise" she smiles the tears meeting her lips at the point of her cheek. "He never had the easiest life, either in school or at home.. But that's until he met dean, dean showed him light and hope when there wasn't any.. God dean if you could have only heard the way he talked about you.. You gave him something worth living for.. Cas was my best friend, I stood by him through thick and thin and words can not describe how devastated I am.. I'm going to miss you buddy" she sobs putting her rose on the top of the coffin and placing a kiss on it.

Dean stands up and his knees are shaking, he doesn't know whether he can do this but he knows he needs to, he has to do it for Cas, he has to make him proud. Just get though this, just this and then it's over he tells himself. "I was the one who found Cas that day" dean whispers "I walked into his house and there he was bleeding out and chocking for air, I pulled him into my arms and there he died, his last words.. Ironically my name" he chokes "permanently embedded in my brain now, along with the image of him there, helpless.. Yet still looking like he was ready to forgive the world, his biggest flaw in my opinion" he adds. "I was so mad at him to begin with, so fucking mad, if he had have just left and went to live with Gabe when he had the chance" he sighs "but this isn't his fault.. I know that now.. He was trying to be the hero that I always knew he was" he half smiles, the tears clouding his vision. "I could stand here and tell you countless stories about Cas, each one standing out from the other" he sighs wiping his eyes, he can't concentrate on what he wants to say so just kind of rolls with it. "Cas once told me that I was a pebble" dean half laughs to himself, he feels physically sick "he told me I was a pebble after a long ass explanation on a cold day at the beach about how pure and untouched it is until something as simple as a pebble can cause a ripple that goes on forever.. I.. I.. Urm.. I'm not as good as describing it as he was, that was one of the things I loved about him, his view of the world was beautiful even after how disgusting it treat him" he states "he said I was his pebble cause I caused enough of a ripple to stay with him forever" he sobs his voice getting caught in his throat "but he was my pebble" he states. He wipes his tears and has to take a moment to regain himself, Sam stood close by incase he needs to get to him, but by this point he's not sure what help he's going to be, the sobs racking through his body too. "Cas not only was the pebble but he was the god damn beach too, he was pure and innocent" he adds. "He would be so embarrassed today if he could see all the people out here making a fuss of him, he was never one for a fuss.." He whispers "two months, that's all he had left in that place, that's what he kept telling me.. He.. He.. Urm promised that.. After we were finished we were going to run away together, get out of this place and just go" dean sobs "but they stole him from me" he adds "cas, baby if you're out there, if you're listening, we did it, we caught the bastards and now they're going to rot for this" he cries. "Cas was my pebble and he was my sunshine, his smile could light up a room but that's nothing compared to the light his eyes held.. Cas you are my life and my soul and I will miss you until the day we meet again.. I promised I'd always find you and baby you can count on it" he sobs he leans back to put the rose on top of the casket his hand freezing stroking it "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you never know, dear, how much I love you please don't take my sunshine away" he hums to himself "please don't take my sunshine away" he sobs collapsing to the floor, his air getting stuck in his lungs, the tattoo suddenly feeling like its searing into his side "please don't take my sunshine away" he repeats louder, almost screaming it as a plea.

Bobby and Sam are quick to pick him up and take him home but dean knows what he has to do. He waits until the others are preoccupied with gabe and Anna and steals Bobby's sawn off shotgun, driving to the one place he needs to be right now. The treehouse.

He gets there and climbs up sitting in the middle of the floor. With a pen and a piece of paper in front of him, his tears streaming down his face. He can't hesitate. "Sammy, I'm sorry I couldn't do this without him" dean writes. He frowns and then crosses it out instead wrtting "dear cas, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough" before picking up the gun. Dean always knew he'd die gun in hand, just never this way.

When dean opens his eyes the always welcoming face of cas greets him. "Cas?" Dean gasps "dean" cas smiles, his name rolling easily off his tongue as it always had done, only this time it doesn't feel like a last time to dean, it feels like forever. Cas finally knows where he is, he's at rest and so is dean, they can finally be happy together, forever. Dean had promised he would always find cas and that's what he did.. It's not the happy ending that either of them imagined but that's what it is, happy.