Touch Me I'm Going to Scream // [Stucky]

Prologue

Author's Notes:
IMPORTANT: Let’s start with how things are going in this AU: Steve and Bucky never met in the 20s but Bucky was still taken by HYDRA in Azzano and made into the Winter Soldier. During the CAWS events, Steve still meets Sam and the two of them along with Nat try to fight HYDRA, who don’t reveal that they infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. decades ago so Steve and the others think that HYDRA is trying to rise again or have worked from the shadows the last decades. Fury is still shot by the WS. Steve, Sam and Nat fight the WS and he gravely injures Sam. More or less where the fic begins.

SECOND: I originally posted this fic in AO3 years ago so if you want you can go and read it there. The title is the same but my username is buffypeppers. I decided to also post it here because I wanted to meet new readers :) I'll probably be posting 1 chapter a week.

Ok, that's it, have a good read!

***

Steve is trying really hard not to fidget, to control his eyes so they don't dart around the room with no real purpose. His hands feel dry and irritated, probably because he hasn't stopped wriggling them for the past hour or however long the meeting has actually lasted.

He's purposefully dressed in his uniform, wanting everyone to know this is a serious matter with no margin for misunderstanding what he's asking from them. They're in one of Stark's conference rooms, large windows turned opaque, he and everyone else present seated around the table. His eyes study the other three faces, waiting.

"Well?" Steve prompts after what feels like a whole five minutes. His eyes dance from Stark's purposefully blank face to Natasha's own... blank face. Thankfully, Barton isn't making any effort to disguise his frown.

"You're asking us to embark with you on a mission that's not been approved by S.H.I.E.L.D." It doesn't sound like a question, per se, more like Natasha is making sure she's heard right.

Steve is on his way of nodding his confirmation but he's quickly interrupted by Stark's insouciant tone, "Oh, not just 'not approved.'" Stark has to make the air quotes and the fact that Steve was already expecting them doesn't make him feel any less vexed. "Rogers' 'mission,'"—Steve scrunches his nose in irritation at the air quotes—"is so brilliant that the World Security Council Secretary himself shot down Steve's mission. Am I wrong? If there was anything wrong there just tell me."

Steve doesn't answer. The hand he has resting on the table balls in a fist and he can almost feel his eyebrows touching one another when he scowls.

"Oh!" Stark gasps like someone who's just had a revelation, sitting up in his seat at the head of the conference table. "Or is he Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. now that Ni—?"

"Stark, that's enough," Natasha cuts him off before he can go any further with his flippant words.

Her voice still ringing in the spacious room. Steve catches Stark deflate before the man can school his features into an unaffected expression. Steve knows Stark and Fury's relationship was much closer than the engineer likes to show. This fact makes Steve want to dig into Stark's brain and find an answer to why he's behaving in such a brazen way when Nick Fury was gunned down just a few days ago.

The four gathered exchange awkward looks. Steve sighs, feeling the little hope he had reunited for this meeting leaving him. "I had to take a shot," he comments with a self-deprecating smirk. "Either way, even if you're not going to come with me..."

"You're going to carry on with your crazy plan," Barton is who finishes for him, no judgment nor derision in his tone or expression. He's that predictable, huh?

Steve nods once, not caving under the weight of the three pair of eyes closely studying him. Barton follows with a nod of his own, showing his understanding. "I get it, man," he comments, hands resting on his lap as he comfortably leans against the back of his chair. "I know you haven't known that Sam guy for a long time but I've noticed what the... incident has done to you two." His index and middle finger pointing at Steve and Natasha, the two sitting on the same side of the table despite there being a couple of chairs between them.

"Incident," Steve scoffs, a pained smile blooming while he shakes his head, eyes not leaving the white table. "Sam is in the hospital. Critical," he emphasizes the last word, stomach churning. He's thankful Stark doesn't make any comments this time; he's pretty sure he would have reacted in a much more negative manner.

"He's getting better," Natasha reminds him with a soft voice.

"He's being fed through a tube!"

The room falls silent after the last echo of his shout fades. Steve blinks. His fingers curled into fists have made two indents on the white wood. Steve exhales a shaky breath, leaning away from the table. No one comments on his outburst and Steve can spend a minute into calming his hammering heart. He wants to cover his face in shame but he's already fucked up too much.

"Look," Steve starts, trying to at least fake some composure. He chances a glance at the other Avengers, making sure no one is about to leave the room. "That guy was strong and skilled enough to match me in hand-to-hand combat..."

"He beat you, actually," Stark is obliging enough to correct him. Steve fulminates him with a glare and Stark raises his hands as if saying "sorry, you know how I can be. Keep going."

"Not only did he kill several skilled S.H.I.E.L.D. agents but Nick Fury himself," Steve reminds them. "Natasha and I haven't been able to beat him fighting together and... and he almost killed Sam. This guy has to be stopped."

Steve lets out a heavy breath, wishing his argument has some effect. He already made a similar one at the beginning of the meeting but it doesn't hurt to remind them why he's asking them to follow him one more time into battle.

"You're looking for revenge."

Steve blinks a few quick times, probably looking like someone who's been slapped with no notice. Stark's words are clear, still echoing in his mind after a long moment of silence.

"Excuse me?" Steve says. He's still feeling taken aback.

Stark looks him in the eye, serene, fingers interlaced with his hands resting on the table before him. "You want to catch this guy for what he did to Wilson." Steve scowls at Stark's confident assertion but can't seem to find words to say anything back. "You want to find this Winter Soldier guy and break his teeth in for what he did to your friend, probably kill him with your own hands, too."

Strangely enough, Stark sounds comprehensive, that's why Steve doesn't react right away. Plus the reality that what Stark is saying is completely true and Steve has just realized it. He's spent the last days by Sam's hospital bed, fantasizing about all the ways he could kill the HYDRA scum. And he had failed to discern his own motivation for the actions he was so set on effecting.

He doesn't deny Stark's affirmation, can't find his lips shaping such a flagrant lie.

"I wouldn't blame you," Barton chimes in, expression just as understanding as the engineer's. "I mean, he only shot Nat on the shoulder and I still want to have the privilege to kill him myself."

Only shot. Steve snorts at the surreal words.

He makes one last sweep of the room, taking in the expressions of his teammates and feeling a burst of hope. While Stark looks pensive, chin resting on one of his hands, Nat seems far away, eyes cast down. Barton looks like he's about to say something but then stops and takes a look at the other two people present, as if he's making sure everyone else is on the same page as him.

"We will need time to craft a real plan," Natasha says, finally lifting her eyes and facing Steve. She glances at Barton and then at Stark; they both nod their confirmation. "No jumping from quinjets with no parachute."

Steve allows himself a minute to bask in the moment, sagging against the chair with his lips parted.

"I won't," he finally assures with a tiny smile.

"Maybe Thor will visit Earth before the mission and he'll lend a hand and hammer," Stark chimes in with a cheeky smile. Steve is experiencing such relief that he allows a snort at Stark's comment, even though he doesn't feel that lucky.

The relief is short-lasting and is rapidly replaced by dread and a slow-boiling wrath pooling inside his stomach that promises to be his guide.