Touch Me I'm Going to Scream // [Stucky]

Chapter 17

He's home. He's in the kitchen. His mom is cooking and he knows his dad is at work. His mom is crying but he's too little and he doesn't understand why. At least he knows that giving her a hug always makes her smile. He gets down from his chair with that thought in mind but the moment his feet touch the floor he's taller and bent over a book with his sister. Becca has tears rolling down her cheeks but he knows that what she's feeling isn't sadness but frustration. He tells his dad to explain the math problem to Becca; maybe she'll finally understand it. George explains to Becca why their car is doing that awful noise while the two siblings pay close attention, sun high on the sky and moon bright when he kisses Dot goodnight in front of her door. He promises to see her soon and turns when a bullet shoots too close. The sound is deafening, so much that for a second he isn't sure he possesses another sense apart from his hearing. He screams Dum Dum's name and the next second he's reciting his own name and rank, one time and another and another and...

He hears a man's voice in the distance but he can't make out the words.

He's lying on his back on the grass, Becca on his left. She's sleeping and drooling and he wishes he could film it and show it to her later. Becca wakes up and asks where his arm is but he can't answer because the wind is howling at the docks and he hasn't finished his shift—he shouldn't get distracted but Dot came to visit. He can sneak out for ten minutes. She cleans the lipstick off his lips with a thumb but he still tastes copper on his tongue. Dot is saying something but the bombs are too loud. He asks her where are Dum Dum and the others. She laughs and says that he better call her this time.

His head is pounding and he hears the male voice again. It seems to come from a different room—if he could only get up from the table but the straps are too tight. The man repeats the same thing once again but he can't make out the words. If they would only stop shooting for a goddamn second!

Bucky.

His arm is missing. This isn't home. He's certain that no one else is left but him. And maybe not even him; he shed that skin decades ago and he's doing it once again and no one can know what the outcome will be.

Bucky sits and reads. He isn't holding the book but the person who he's leaning against is. He can't make out the words on the page but it doesn't really matter because he isn't in a hurry.

Bucky's eyes flutter open and he immediately knows that more than one hour has passed since he fell asleep. He considers kicking Steve for it but the annoyance leaves space to something different—not that Bucky knows what it is, though.

He thinks this is the first time he sees Steve's face devoid of any worry or apprehension. Bucky wonders if the serum keeps his skin from staying creased with the lines of concern he's constantly bearing. Also, Bucky takes a moment to assimilate the fact that he's slept the day and part of the night away.

He stares a minute longer at Steve's face in the dark but there's an itch under his skin and he doesn't feel like lying down. He doesn't want to wake Steve and he wants to spend some hours on his own so he's careful when untangling their legs and getting out of bed. It feels chilly not having Steve wrapped around him and for a second he considers crawling back under the covers.

Steve turns on his back, a line forming between his brows and Bucky pauses until it smooths. Steve mumbles something under his breath when Bucky returns to the room after using the bathroom and something else comes out of the man's lips when Bucky heads out again, turning back to his side.

Soundlessly, Bucky walks the length of the apartment without entering Steve's bedroom, the space feeling off-limits. He goes to the kitchen and inspects cabinets and drawers without having a goal in mind—without his goal being to make sure there aren't any microphones and additional cameras to the ones needed for the A.I. He looks at the utensils without thinking which ones can be used as a weapon and how. He inspects the cleaning products without thinking of ways to mix them to create explosives or which ones he can use to poison the food in the refrigerator.