Touch Me I'm Going to Scream // [Stucky]

Chapter 16

The book stays with its pages unturned for almost half an hour. Steve tries really hard to concentrate on the black words on the white sheet but, every few minutes, his attention gets drawn to the man on his left. He's reread the same paragraph a hundred times but he wouldn't be able to tell what it says if his life depended on it. Steve is buzzing with questions and wonder and whatnot, but he keeps it locked.

Bucky is visibly trying to pay attention to his book too and failing just like Steve, though for a completely different reason.

"Bucky," Steve calls out softly and Bucky still startles, eyes widening and shaking his head. "Bucky, maybe you should sleep, even if it's only for an hour."

"I don't want to." Everyone else would have sounded petulant saying those words but Bucky just sounds resigned.

"I understand." Steve feels unstable, like someone who's been walking with his eyes closed, and now that he's opened them he's finally aware of walking a rope, hundreds of feet above the ground. "I only say it because of what happened last time you spent days without sleep."

Bucky looks at him almost mad. "Don't." He tries to get the words out but they seem to disagree with him. Bucky gives a deep exhale of annoyance and tries again. "Don't be condescending. I'm not a kid."

Steve doesn't say that perhaps he's angry because he needs to sleep; that would only prove Bucky's accusation to be true. He doesn't want to treat Bucky like a kid, it's just that... maybe he has developed a protective streak when it comes to Bucky. It's not something weird, Steve arguments, to be protective of a man who's spent seventy years being abused. He'll tone it down if it's making him uncomfortable.

"Sorry," he finally apologizes after staring at Bucky for far too long. Steve had already known Bucky's situation was a special one and that his recovering wasn't going to be like any other person's... But now that seventy years of abuse have been added to the puzzle that was already James' life...

With more conviction than ever, Steve knows that keeping James—Bucky away from S.H.I.E.L.D. is crucial for his recovery. It means keeping a secret from his current employers and having his teammates promise they won't say anything either (Steve has faith in them more than ever and is sure they won't betray his trust), but it will be worth it if it helps Bucky.

Cheeks heating up, Steve returns to the same paragraph when Bucky's eyes break him from his absorptions. He finally reads it and goes to the next one. Bucky huffs at his left and Steve tries not to react, but then he huffs again and Steve has to turn and make sure everything's okay.

"I know." Steve waits. "I know you're trying to help me. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Steve manages to say. He wonders, not for the first time, how Bucky can stand his presence. He's the man who did everything in his power to hunt him down, like nothing but a rabid animal. Steve threatened him, shoved him against walls and spewed hate between his teeth.

Even now, when Steve recalls Sam's swollen face and wheezing breath, he struggles to remember that the Winter Soldier is no more and that he was a man who also needed help.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Steve hears himself say, hands unclenching while he tries to appease the fire rising inside his chest.

Bucky seems to consider the offer and eventually answers with an affirmative noise. Steve asks J.A.R.V.I.S. to bring out the TV and he lets Bucky choose a movie. "I don't know any."

"Then pick a random title."

Bucky ends up choosing Robin Hood: Men in Tights and they get comfortable in their seats, ready to watch.