Touch Me I'm Going to Scream // [Stucky]

Chapter 8

"No morning run today?"

Steve jumps on his stool, head snapping up from his coffee cup.

"Oh, hey, Tony." Steve takes a second to notice the sunlight streaming through the windows. "Not in the mood."

Going for a run is for when Sam is with him—it wouldn't feel the same now. He looks back down at his dark coffee, feeling even worse than a second ago.

He doesn't usually have breakfast in the communal kitchen—he isn't usually staying at the Tower—but today he didn't want to be alone in his bare and luxurious kitchen—even his breath has an echo there. He wasn't really sure if anyone else was going to be here, though, and now that someone has showed up he's not sure anymore if he wants any company.

Steve listens to Tony putter in the cupboards and then he's sitting in front of Steve on the table. "I bet my Tower I know what you're thinking about."

Steve snorts humorlessly but gestures with a hand for Tony to go on. "Maybe we didn't get off to a good start when we met and we don't always see eye to eye..." Steve really hopes there's more to the statement. "But I know you better than you think."

Steve looks at him with skepticism. Tony barks a laugh at his furrowed face. "Look, Rogers, there was no way we could have known the Winter fucking Soldier was actually one of HYDRA'S many victims."

Steve keeps his frown in place.

"Come on! How were we going to draw that conclusion? That a guy who's killed tons of people, who you've even personally fought against and has gravely injured your friends, was actually doing it out of fear and conditioning.

"We never thought of the possibility that the Winter Soldier had zero agency," Tony points out, more somber than Steve has ever heard him be. "All our speculations came from judging the Winter Soldier as a person with his own will."

Steve decides to go back to staring gloomily at his coffee; at least it doesn't try to reason with him.

"There's nothing we can do now, Steve," Tony continues, his tone tilting from somber to slightly vexed.

"I spent days imagining his death," Steve confesses, unable to look Tony in the eye. He feels his face heat up with shame. "I imagined killing him with my own hands over and over." He snaps his mouth shut, afraid he's going to be sick.

"I'm sure you're not the only one." Steve looks up at that. "Nat's spent a lot of time in Wilson's room, looking murderous most of the time."

Steve lowers his head again. "What happened to Wilson wasn't your fault, either." Steve scowls at him and then down at his coffee, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I know that's why you aren't visiting him as often." Tony has a triumphant smirk because he knows he hit the nail on the head. Steve grumbles under his breath.

"His mother had to go back home." Tony continues ignoring Steve's expression. "Really nice woman, by the way, you would like her."

So Tony Stark himself has already met Darlene Wilson. Sam had talked a lot about his family and Steve had always felt a special interest in his mother; Darlene had reminded him a lot of his own mom from what he'd recollected from his conversations with Sam. From the first time he had realized this, Steve has feared—deep down—the day he would meet the woman, unsure of how he'll act. He doesn't want to see Sarah Rogers in a woman who is her own person.

Now that Sam is in a hospital bed, that fear seems childish and idiotic.

"I assume you already know of every one of Wilson's changes, but the doctors say he's getting better."