Touch Me I'm Going to Scream // [Stucky]

Chapter 11

James slips out from under the bed when he hears Steve's bedroom door close at eleven p.m. His bedroom looks enormous from this angle and it's already making his skin crawl. He doesn't return to the safe space under the bed and instead stretches his back. He's still hurting all over but he knows his body will start healing like it's supposed to in a few days, when all the chemicals have left his system.

The first thing he inspects is the dresser in front of the large bed. In the first drawer, he finds t-shirts and more sweaters, a lot of blacks and greys but some are more colorful. James looks over his shoulder at the door; he wants to ask Steve if this is for him. He reminds himself of Steve's own words when they were still in the hospital wing.

His hand is slightly trembling when he opens the second drawer; he finds jeans and sweatpants. The third drawer is full of underwear and socks while the fourth and final drawer is empty—James makes sure of it.

James goes back to the first one and sinks his hand in the soft fabric to stop the shaking. He pulls out a t-shirt and throws it on the bed and then does the same with a pair of sweatpants—he doesn't like the texture of the jeans.

James takes his time to change into new clothes, stopping to breathe deeply every time his body tells him to fucking hurry, you have to hurry. He needs to remind it that there won't be any consequences if he dawdles. It takes him fifteen minutes to change into new clothes—the sweatshirt Steve gave him in the hospital room included—and his heart hasn't stopped beating with unnecessary speed.

He turns the lights in the bathroom and searches the drawers. He doesn't find mics or cameras. The same inspection is carried in the bedroom, too. Aside from the necessary cameras and microphones for the A.I. that James had already expected to find, he doesn't discover additional surveillance equipment. That having been taken care of, he returns to the bathroom and brushes his teeth. While he looks at himself in the mirror, James realizes something: his eyes are blue. He's not sure if he had forgotten about it or HYDRA erased that tidbit of information from his brain, too, not deeming it important enough for him to keep it.

His toothbrush snaps in his hand and James looks down at it with eyes wide open. He rinses his mouth and the throws the broken pieces in a paper bin. James pulls a drawer open looking for a replacement—he plucks it right off the cabinet.

"No," he hears himself say from afar.

No no no, his brain chants while he tries to put it back into its place but it won't fit.

"Please," his voice begs. He doesn't feel his bandaged shoulder collide against another drawer, too concentrated on fixing what he's done.

His hand is trembling too much for him to do anything with it, not even to solve a puzzle with only one piece. His stomach sinks when he drops the drawer and the sound echoes in the opulent bathroom. He holds his breath, so concentrated on listening that he doesn't even notice the drops of sweat falling on the tiles. A door opens somewhere in the apartment and the Soldier can hear steps getting closer.

A knock on the door.

"James?"

He doesn't move nor answer at first but he makes himself stand when Steve calls him a second time. He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Every muscle tenses. What the Soldier wants doesn't matter because sooner or later the Captain will find what has happened—maybe the A.I. will tell him. Or he already knows.

James unlocks the door and opens it just a smidge. Steve is in pajama pants and a grey t-shirt that has written 'S.H.I.E.L.D.' on it. He seems concerned.

"Are you okay?"

James swallows but can't answer, brain too focused on the question and what it is supposed to mean—what is he expected to answer?