Giving You Up This Time

My Trust Of Jenga

"Mum do you think dad is here?" I eyed his photo as I sunk in my hoodie.

"More than you think baby" she replied.

It had been fifteen years since my fathers death and I hated this day. It bought so much memories and everything seemed so out of it.

"I didn't have enough time" I whispered as she rubbed my back.

"Time itself is so useless.... Whys should we limit ourselves on how we live and how long we live?" she hummed.

"Baby time is what we await for because this" she caressed my cheek wiping my fallen tear.

"Can't be forever because life and time goes on with or without us" she finished as I leaned into her touch.

"Jayjay" hearing my little sister shout as I sighed watching my mum pull back.

Cairlyn was almost 13 years old as she was born awhile after the death of my father.

She was the split image of Henry but her personality was shared with my mother.

"Hi Cairy" I mumbled as she hugged me.

I had return home in time for the reminder of my father gone.

My mum was a great support system but she didn't want to neglect Henry too much.

"Sorry she insisted on seeing you" watching a huffed out Henry who was clearly out of breath.

"No worries Henry" I nodded smiling as he came forward giving me a hug.

"How have you been?" he asked pulling back.

"Doing good just came back for dad" he nodded standing next to my mother.

"Hi beautiful" he kissed her head as she returned the gesture but to his lips.

"Look what I got at the arcade" Cairy shook a small prize in front of my face as I eyed the frog chain.

"That's really cool" I replied as she rambled about some game she played.

"Baby? Can you take Cairy downstairs for some brownies?" my mother was aware that I was not in a mood to entertain.

We were left alone as she opened her arms.

Why did I feel so empty?.

I eyed her arms for a second but my heart felt dull almost as if it was wasting time.

"Jayden?" she questioned unsure of why I was standing still as a statue.

"Mum?" she pulled her arms back.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"Why did you lie?" she seemed agitated but I needed to know why.

Why did my mother lie about the note she found about some pregnant lady my father knocked up.

"About what Jay?" she was beyond confused.

Her lines on her forehead were prominent as she placed her hands on her hips.

"That letter you found and broke up with my dad" she listened before realising what I was talking about.

"I-" she stuttered but I grabbed the journal from my dresser before throwing it on the floor.

"WHY!" I yelled causing her to step back as she stared at her own journal.

"Jayden I know you are mad but if I ever hear that tone come from your mouth again..... that is the last time you will ever speak to me like that, understood!" I scoffed grabbing the journal and finding the page which held everything.

"June 14 2011,

Dear Diary, My visions makes sense now. The dreams are adding up. We are lovers in the past life but I can't think straight. His note confirmed that it did not end up good so I must stay away from him. I was pregnant and I am now but I'm not sure how this will affect our future. I love him but I cannot love the version he decided to give me the second time around".

Tears streamed down as she grabbed the journal with an old polaroid hidden in the back. Attached was a sonogram of me.

She closed her eyes feeling the material as if the memory was her core.

"You knew and you didn't tell him" I said as she looked at me with glossy eyes.

"I couldn't" she whispered.

My mother never was a emotional type only in certain things but my father seemed to be a sensitive topic.

"Why?" I begged.

"Because he didn't love me enough to fight for me" she cried holding the photo.

I grabbed it turning it around to see a photo of them. My dads arms were wrapped around her as she hugged him by the waist.

Words were written underneath it.

'My Forever In One".

"No mum you don't understand" I said as she shook her head.

"Time has its limits Jayden and our time was up. Your father wanted time that he thought he lost but I got time given to me and lost nothing" she spoke rubbing the photo.

"You lost dad".

"You lost your dad baby... I lost someone who was trying to deny the fact that he fell out of live with me
and I do not deserve that because my forever had a time limit" she smiled placing the polaroid in my hand.

"His efforts were great but life and time goes on. He was simply too late because he was on his own time not mine" she finally looked at me leaving a peck the back of my hand.

"You will always be the first thing I loved ever in this world but your father was mine in some other world.

We can't meddle with time because it goes faster than you think. I love you so much baby but I need to rest right now" she left the room without soaring a glance as I threw the journal down causing a few polaroids to fall out.

Picking them I caught sight of a few with my dad. They were happy but not happy enough to to keep each other as such.

Feeling a cold breeze I sunk on the floor crying desperately somebody to give me a chance. To take me to that night for them to forget that fight.

"Jayjay?" hearing my sister call me fell on deaf ears.

"Cairy not now please". I closed my eyes hugging the photos to my chest.