Faith and Freedom

Chapter 7

My sister gives me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night and I wake up around 1:30 in the morning, unable to go back to sleep. Slipping on my mint green sweater and boots, I walk silently out the ring where Renegade is. I grab a mint green halter that is brand new and the matching lead rope. Carrot and equipment in hand, I open the gate. Renegade lunges forward and Domino follows. They race around the ring and I wave the carrot in the air, hoping to catch Renegade's attention. Successful, he takes unsure steps toward me until he is within arm reach. While he is distracted by the carrot, I slip the halter up over his head and do up the buckle.

Renegade pulled violently at the lead and I just move my hand higher in response. Eventually, he stopps and walks calmly beside me as I lead him toward the indoor arena. His ears are perked up in alarm toward the huge empty arena and he pulls violently, fighting me the whole way through the gate. The air is quiet all except for Renegade's heavy breaths as I fetch the lunge line from the hook on the fence. He sees the shining clip attached to the long line and he sends out a deep, harsh neigh of alarm. Using comforting words and tone of voice, I clip the line to his halter and take up the lunge whip. He shies away and I let the line out. His body was a solid wall of muscle and fear.

"Easy. I'm alone in this world too," I whispered in a soothing voice.

Renegade perked his ears towards me and took a small, cautious step in my direction.

"Hey, what are you doing?" A voice behind me sends Renegade into a rear, causing me to drop the lunge line and him to race around the arena in fear.

"What the hell?! I had him calm, he was walking toward me!" I growl, angry at Connor for spooking Renegade.

"Well you shouldn't be out here this hour anyway! It's almost two in the damn morning!"

"Don't you know anything? It takes one on one time with wild or very abused horses to gain their trust! There is no other way to get that without being up at almost two in the morning, ass!" I yell back. "Go the hell away, Connor. Leave me alone and mind your own damn business."

"Fine."

"Fine." With that, I spend the next hour and a half trying to calm my horse.
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At breakfast I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to eat my blueberry pancakes and eggs. Melody finally gave me the benefit of the doubt and forgave me. Her small freckled face is in the usual state of sadness it has been in since our parents were killed.

"Sissy, will you go with me to meet my assigned horse today? I'm scared. My pony toys and pictures aren't like real ones. They are very big and scary..." She tells me, leaning into my side.

"Of course, sweetheart. I will show you my horse that I was assigned until Renegade is trained." I offer.

She nods quickly and we finish our breakfast amongst the roar of the full dining room before going upstairs to change into our clothes. I settle on the jeans I was wearing last night, a black t-shirt, and my boots. I quickly pull my hair into a messy French braid and help my sister by french braiding her hair as well.

We head down the stairs to find Jackie waiting by the front door. Her bright smile is annoying and her cheery attitude makes me want to vomit on her shiny black boots. She gestures for us to follow her and I crouch down, letting Melody jump on my back for a piggy back ride to the barn. We follow Jackie to the barn and down the isle of mares until we reach an old, blind Appaloosa named Lilly Bell.

"Her back is slightly swayed but she is still the sweetest horse in the barn. She is perfect for the younger kids like you." Jackie says to my sibling.

"What do you call her for short?" Melody asks.

"Lilly, usually. But you can call her Bell, Lil, or anything really. It's up to you."

"She's big..." Melody answered.

"Come on, little bear. I'll show you my assignment horse." I say, taking her small hand in my own.

We walk down toward the back of the barn and stop at Redemption's stall. Melody gasps at how tall the horse is and looks at her dark chestnut coat.

"What's her name?"

"Redemption. But I like to call her Red. It's shorter and it represents the red brown color of her coat." I say, looking at the mare.

"Oh. She's pretty, but I wanna go see Domino and Renegade."

"Well, let's go get Renegade's halter and bring him into the other round pen. I gotta try something I saw on the internet." I say.

I looked up ways to gain a horses trust and one thing really seemed interesting. Basically, you have a large bag of carrots, apples, or any other horse treat and you stand/sit in the middle of the arena and wait for your horse to trust you enough to come get the treats. That method seemed better than Join up because it was less forceful and the horse could trust you at his own pace rather than forcing him to trust you.
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My fight with Connor wears on my mind and suddenly the memories and thoughts come rushing through and into my head, filling it with memories, voices, and the deep seeded depression. I look down at my wrist in the bathroom and then give a swift glance to the thing that made my ugly scars. Without a second thought, my hand reaches for the sharp razor blade, pressing the cool, sharp edge to my skin.

Do it. My mind whispered.

Before I make the cut, my sister's voice sounds through the door.

"Sissy? Are you okay?"

No. I can't cut. I can't. Melody needs me. I can't do it.

I toss the razor in the trash and look at myself.

"Yeah, hon. I'm okay. I'll be out in a second." I reply.

And with that, I walk out the door.

Word count: 1067