Faith and Freedom

Chapter Fourteen

The state of semi-happiness I was in didn't last long and before I knew it, people were coming in and testing Redemption to see if they liked her and wanted to buy her. Problem was, she was always what they wanted, but they couldn't afford the steep price Jackie had on her. I avoided the barn and training for an entire week before Connor made me come down to the barn and go for a ride. But I never rode Redemption because I didn't want to be more attached than I already was. So I rode a different horse named Champagne. She was a palomino paint mare with an attitude. I hated her. She bit me whenever I walked by her and always stepped on my toes when she could. I sunk into a depression that I'd been in once before. After my parents died. I didn't speak to anyone, not even Connor, and when I did speak it was one of three responses: yes, no, I want to be alone. Melody understood and hung out with her friends to give me time to figure it out.

I was in the barn with Redemption when I heard Jackie talking to a couple who apparently wanted to buy Red. On an impulse, I grabbed her bridle and quickly put it on her before swinging myself up onto her back and urging her into a canter, blowing right past the people who came to see her and into the woods. Anger and sadness where all I could feel and I rode for quite some time until I realized I had ridden all the way to the end of the pasture that stopped at the beginning of the driveway.

My eyes burned with tears of anger. Why did I have to be an orphan? Why did I end up with a horse I can't even ride? Why are they selling the horse I can ride, the one I am attached to? Why me?

I decide to go to the far end of the large pasture and try to wrap my head around it. It begins to get dark and I have to go back eventually so I urge Redemption into an easy canter and ride back to the barn. When I get there, it's dark and I see a very angry looking Jackie in the doorway.

"What the hell were you thinking?! I had a buyer all lined up, a family I know had a great home for her! Next thing I know, you're rocketing out on her and heading for Timbuktu!"

I slip off of Redemption and ignore her while I brush her down and put her in her stall. While Jackie keeps yelling, I walk into the house and into my room, locking the door. I look around the room and grab a pair of red pajama short shorts and a gray T-shirt before walking into the bathroom and running a shower. I took my time, spending more than an hour just standing under the hot water.

When the water ran cold, I got out, drying off and putting on my pajamas before I sat on my bed. My gaze looked to the shelf where a razor sat, gleaming in the light. It taunted me, making me want to forget my life for a while. Finally, the taunting ended.

Without a thought, I grabbed the razor and pressed the cool metal to my lower inside arm. I began the debate on if I should or shouldn't cut, and right as I made my decision, Missy jumped out from under the bed and my hand slipped with fright, causing a shallow gash to form on my arm.

"Shit!" I shouted.

The nob on the door turned and I stood up, shoving my hands behind my back. Connor walked in, looking worried.

"Is everything okay?" He inquired, his glance moving to my shirt. "Oh my god, you have blood on your shirt, are you okay?"

I gulped, guilt taking over. But, I nodded anyway.

"Y-yeah I'm okay. Just a scratch."

"Let me see your hands, we'll get it bandaged up."

Dropping the razor behind the bed, I pulled my hands out from behind my back, shame causing me to turn red.

"You did this on purpose?" His brow shot up.

"No you don't understand. I was going to and then I decided I wasn't but then Missy scared me and I jumped and my hand slipped. Honest." I rushed.

"You know, I'm not sure I can believe that, what with you just getting out of the hospital for overdosing on anxiety pills. Whatever. Let's just get this bandaged." His hard expression was hard to read but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know he was beyond pissed at me.

"Look, yes I slipped up with the whole drug thing and yes I ended up depressed and quit speaking but I promise I didn't cut on purpose! I swear it!" I began to panic, my voice becoming frantic.

"Oh really?! Prove it! Prove you didn't do it on purpose! Prove it damn it!" He yelled, anger and hurt clear in his voice.

"You want me to prove it? Fine. I'll prove it." And for the second time today, I did something impulsive. I kissed him.

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