Faith and Freedom

Chapter Twelve

We walked for a long while, going to the furthest paddock at the back of the property. When we got there, he gave me a leg up onto a big bay gelding and then walked over to a black gelding. He led him to the fence and climbed onto his back before guiding him towards me. My nerves were going haywire at having no tack and at what Connor would think of me when he found out what I was about to tell him.

We nudged the horses into a walk and I tangled my hands into the geldings mane, following Conner into a canter. We rode to the opposite end of the field and while the horses grazed, I lay back and rested my head on his croup while Connor did the same. While I looked at the clouds and the blue of the endless sky, I could feel his gaze on me. So, I spoke.

"You know, I had a great childhood growing up. A sister, dog, cat, and two great parents. My parents went to the store and my sister and I tagged along. It was around six forty five when we got home and we were all laughing and carrying in the groceries... We opened the door and walked into the kitchen, not paying attention to the fact that the door was already unlocked," I when swallowed, my body beginning to shake. "We were still giggling we heard the floor upstairs creak, which is when we all fell silent. My dad pulled out his cellphone and called nine one one while we all went back outside to the car. We heard sirens in the distance but they came at us, pulled us back in the house and tied my sister and I to chairs while they yelled at my parents. They were asking where the money was and none of us knew what they meant so while one went and stole all of our valuable things, the other gave my sister and I a sickening smile before he shot my father. My mom, sister and I were in tears and when my mom didn't stop sobbing he shot her too... Then, they just left and we sat there waiting for the police to show up..."

By then I was in tears as it played out in my head.

"Anyhow, now we live with our social worker and that's why we're here. We're orphans and our closest family is here in Tennessee, but we don't know where. I don't want to talk about it anymore though so...."

"I'm sorry. That you had to go through that, I'm sorry. No one should have to go through what you did." He tells me.

I finally decide to look over at him, my tears are gone and his eyes are full of sympathy and another emotion I can't decipher. I look away first and we sit up and ride back to the gate where he pulled me off my horse and wrapped me into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said before letting me go and walking back to the house.

Before my mind could react, my feet had me jogging after him and my arms were tossed around his torso in a hug. He hugged me back and I let go, looking at him intently.

"Come on, we'll watch a movie until dinner again." He offered, a small smile playing on his lips.

My mouth turned up into a wide grin and I slipped my hand in his as we walked to the house. I felt like a little kid having to hold the hand of a parent to cross the street and it was odd. I felt safe. I let Connor go to his room while I went to mine and quickly took a shower before changing into my pajamas. Before I left my room, a small orange bottle caught my attention. My anti-depressants.

My common sense was fading with each step I took towards them, wanting the constant ache of loss to go away. I guess that's what led me to my next move: I dumped five into my palm and closed the lid before I took them. In just a few short minutes, my world was going black. I felt myself hit the floor and I'm not sure how much time passed but Connor was the last thing I saw before I shut my eyes.

Word count: 742