Disasters of Brazil

Chapter 21

Cope

"Mental hospital?! No way!" I pressed my palms while eating with Carlin and Nadia. I can't believe it. 

"Kumalma ka muna kasi....." Carlin snapped.

"Kalma? paano kakalma? Paano nalang 'yong pag aaral ni Andi kung nasa mental hospital siya? Saka bakit mental hospital kaagad? bawal bang temporary confinement lang?" I started to make hand gestures around the air.

"She can't cope anymore," Nadia says.

"Anong she can't cope?" I repeated. "Bakit nung nakakasama natin siya, maayos naman siya?"

"Girl hindi mo kasi nagegets," Carlin's voice started to rise. "Behind those smiles are the darkest nga 'di ba?"

"Paano nga 'yong pag-aaral niya?" I ask. "Hindi ba madedelay siya?" 

"Wala tayong magagawa doon!" Carlin said.

"Anong wala?!" I pressed my palms on the table again.

"SANDALI!" Nadia screamed in anger. "Ganito kasi Roberta. hindi mo naiintindihan. Alam mo bang bagsak si Andi sa lahat nang subjects niya dahil sa mental health condition niya?"

"Ano?!" My eyes furrowed in confusion. "Bagsak siya?" I confirmed, "I saw her exams matataas naman ah?"

"It's reprinted!" Carlin interfered.

"Anong reprint? huh?!" I don't really get what they're saying.

"She's making fake exams and show it to her Grandma and Grandpa para kunwari mataas grades niya pero behind that, bagsak talaga siya."

"Edi bakit hindi natin tulungan si Andi? hindi talaga ako sang-ayon na ilalagay siya sa mental institute." Pangungulit ko.

"Hindi nga siya nakakapag cope Roberta. She can't cope, she can't!" Nadia repeated her words. "Nakatherapy na siya pero hindi pa rin siya gumagaling."

"So sumusuko na tayo kay Andi? She's mentally unstable at kailangan niya tayo. Who knows at baka pabayaan lang siya sa mental hospital."

"Hindi sa sinusukuan, saka bibisitahin naman natin si Andi." Carlin explained.

"Alam naba 'to ng teachers natin, ni Ma'am Briela at nang mga kaklase natin?" I ask.

"Sila lola at lolo na raw kakausap sa mga teachers natin." Nadia said.

"UGHHHHHH!" I groaned in frustration. "Putangina gago!" I badmouthed.

"Pwede ba kumalma ka?" Carlin tapped my arms. "Isusumbong kita kay Matt," she threatened.

"Ano?" My eyes furrowed. "Ano naman kinalaman nang lalaking iyon!"

"You're not replying to my texts for so long," I heard Matt's voice behind my back which made my eyes widen in shock. I look back and look at his face. He sat beside me and took a sip on his iced coffee from Mcdonalds.

"Dami kong iniisip, 'saka na yang reply mo." I roll my eyes. "Isa pa, hindi naman tayo magjowa para mag demand ka 'no," I sigh.

"Sungit mo," he pouted.

"Puwede ba?" I look at him with my tired facial expression as if I was already about to give up on my life. "Kung alam mo lang ano nangyari kay Andi, maiintindihan mo ako." I crossed my arms.

"I know," he said.

"'Yon naman pala," I gave him a sarcastic smile.

I was so tired and drained. Awang awa ako kay Andi. Today is the day na dadalhin siya sa mental hospital. Gising na siya at pinadala na yata siya doon. I clutched my bag and left my three friends. Ni hindi na ako nagpaalam sakanila kung saan ako pupunta.

I called Tita Harmony and she arrived in no time. Sinundo niya ako from UST. "Bakit ka naman pupunta sa mental hospital?" she asked.

"Long story," I say.

"Okay sige, hindi na kita pipilitin." She said.

We didn't really talk at the car because my mind was just so clouded. When I arrived at the mental hospital around Manila, I went at the lobby and inquired there.

I gazed at my surroundings and saw different types of patients. 'Yung iba nakalabas from their rooms at pinapapasok sila nang mga nurse and doctors. Some are minors and some are adults.

"Bakit niyo ako papabalikin sa kuwarto ko? Andito si superman, may dala siyang pera para saakin. Andito siya!" A patient said. 

"THEY WILL KILL ME! THEY WILL KILL ME!" The patient was having an episode and was also panicking as well. Gulo gulo na ang buhok nito at sumisigaw sigaw nang malakas.

"Anak!" a patient walked towards me and hugged me pero nakuha rin siya kaagad nang mga nurse.

"Is Andi Velamour here?" I inquired.

"Yes po, why?"

"Can I visit her?" I ask. "I'm here bestfriend and I just want to see her and kamustahin siya."

"Sorry but you're not authorized." The nurse apologized.

"What?"

"Allow her," the Grandma of Andi came from the hallway.

"Thank you," I nod.

I greeted her guardians with a simple greetings and the nurse guided me towards the room of Andi. When I arrived at her room, I saw her. Wearing the patient's dress attire. I can still see her fresh wounds and cuts. Ang laki rin nang eyebags niya. 

"Andi......" my voice cracked.

"Hi," she greeted, looking away. "I don't know why I'm still alive." Her voice was soft yet heartbreaking. 

I clutched my bag and walked towards her. I gave her a hug and tears started to fall from my eyes. "Andi....why didn't you tell me?" My voice cracked. "Why......"

"Who cares about mental health right?" she chuckled sarcastically. "People will judge me of who I'm."

"No, it's not like that."

"Yes it is!" she pushed me and she started to cry. "I'm so fucking tired of this world! I'm so fucking tired because I can't help myself!" she clenched her fist then pressed it on her chest. "I'm so fucking tired of getting called as the attention seeking girl who has HPD, a girl who's depressed, a girl who's anxious, a girl who harms herself! Behind my smiles are my most vulnerable parts of my life!" her voice cracked.

"I'm sorry....." I wiped my tears. 

"I can't cope anymore...... I don't want my life. I don't want people around me, I just don't want. Don't ever visit me again."  She said.

"No," I refused. "I will visit you always because I'm your bestfriend Andi."

"Bestfriends does not fucking exist Roberta!" She screamed. "Friends never exist! at the end of the day a human being will always be alone, remember that." She said.

"Andi please....." I begged. "Don't do this." I say, crying in pain.

"Just leave Roberta."

"No,"

"I said leave." She pointed at the door. "LEAVE!" her voice thundered.

I wiped my tears painfully and walked slowly towards the door. I look back and what she said made me break into pieces.

"Don't ever visit me again. If you do, I'll kill myself. Visit me if I'll become a stable person but I can't guarantee that." She said.

"Okay......" I sighed painfully. "Take care Andi," I inhaled a large amount of air and left the room. As I was walking outside the room, I heard her crying very loud which made me cry harder but I continued to walk, and leave her behind.

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