Barely Alive // TWD // Daryl Dixon

Chapter 45 - Mixed Emotions

I sat in between Tara and Rosita, they didn't know Beth and I wasn't sure if after all this time I actually knew her or not. I couldn't see her like that, her last moments were to be shared with her family, not me.

Carol had stayed for a bit but then headed to the truck where Eugene was with the kids, at this moment I didn't care if she tried to leave again, so I let her go and I didn't check if she was trying to leave with Mika again or not. She could barely walk so I doubted she would get far.

I could hear Maggie crying and talking to Beth, Glenn was talking to her too. Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Tyreese and Sasha stayed close to her but didn't say anything, while Gabriel was just standing there in shock and Abraham and Joshua were looking around, killing the walkers that were getting too close.

The woman I didn't know stayed close too, she knew Beth, at least for a while and I could see she was hurting too and Noah was crying.

I was feeling so many things that I actually went numb. I tried to close my eyes and figure out what I was feeling but at the moment I was a mess inside and couldn't really understand what I was feeling.

Should I be there with them and say good-bye to Beth? Should I stay here and stay out of it? Should I do it for Maggie? For Glenn? For my own sanity?

Maggie cried harder and I just knew. I looked down at my hands, I didn't want to close my eyes because when I did I saw Beth under me, covered in blood, as I punched her or the awful things she said kept repeating in my head and I didn't want to listen to them.

I saw them talking, deciding what to do but I wasn't part of it. I got in a car with Michonne, Daryl, Rick and Tara while the others got on the firefighters truck with Beth's body. We were looking for some park or green area to bury her, it wasn't easy as we were surrounded by tall buildings.

When we finally found a place, everyone that knew her helped digging her grave but mostly Maggie and Glenn did. Rick and Daryl carried her body and laid it there. They had found something to cover her body, some kind of old blanket.

Then as Gabriel read some parts of the bible, people covered the grave. I stayed where I was. I couldn't go near the place. Carol and Daryl probably thought I was like this because of what Daryl confessed but it was actually for what she had said to me.

"Don't be angry at Daryl," Carol said as she wheeled herself next to me, I was sitting on the grass, the others were trying to plan what to do now. Rick had forced her to use the wheelchair as it was obvious how she was still in pain and it was hard for her to move.

"I'm not," I muttered coldly. "I'm angry at you."

"You know what I meant. She had a crush on Daryl, had it for months. Daryl is not to blame, he didn't kiss her back or anything."

"I know... but how do you know?" I asked her, finally looking up at her.

"Beth had to give me medications back there. I woke up and she told me about it. She was hurt because Daryl had rejected her. I couldn't believe she was telling me that."

"What exactly did she say?" I asked with interest now.

"At first she tried to tell me how Daryl wasn't good for you, that I should convince you to leave him. Eventually she admitted that she had kissed Daryl." At that, my blood boiled once again. "But he instantly pushed her away. No hesitation, no kissing back. And he threatened her to leave her on her own if she tried again so she didn't. But she admitted she was planning how to do it again."

"Well, that's not what she said," I mumbled, shaking my head a bit.

"Is that why you beat her up?"

"I didn't..."