Seventeen ships

Hurt (Junhao)

This one is a sad one.

Pls skip if you don't want to read it.

Might have suicide.

If your sensitive to this skip this chapter.

Thats all please enjoy.

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Jun's pov

Minghao's letter!

Why me? Why am I always getting hurt? It's always hurting myself by my words. Or someone hurting them for me. I would before getting hurt like a norml person. Like I bump into a bed or fall. Wouldn't that hurt be better? Wouldn't it be better to hurt that way then getting your own feeling hurt? Or am I just unlucky? Why do I have to put up with this pain? What did I do?

Why did they pick me? Why am I the one who has to be hurt mentally? Why can't it just be physically? Why do I have to be put through hell because others don't know how to be quite? Why can't I live normally? Do I have to be here? Why do I have to stay in such a hurtful world? Why do I have to wake up every morning and hear every hurtful word that comes out everyones mouth?

It makes me wonder. Did i ever have it good? Did i ever have a good life? Or was it always this painful. Has everyon always hated me? Did they hate me and i never noticed until i got older? Now that i think about it, everyone would always come to me if they had a problem. I had fought many people because others are to scared to. I have gotten used to being introuble.

Because my mom was there for me. But the more i got introuble the more she started to hate me. The more we grow apart. The more hurtful words she said. I mean yeah it's better then actual abuse but it aren't they both bad? Or am I just really hard to care for? But I guess everyone knows it's easy to hurt me so they do. No one has ever cared since they found out im easy to hurt.

I Just wish that one day I wake up somewhere where I just don't feel. Where I can just ignore everyone and not care about what they say. Or maybe death can take me to heaven or hell. But will it be the same? No one really knows. Are hell and heaven just stories where one is horrible while the other is paradise. Are they the same? Are they even diffrent from the actual world?

Are they the same? Because if they are I would rather just stay in darkness. Where not even my thoughts can be heard. Where I just stay there not even knowing whats wrong with the world. I just want one day where I don't have to worry about crying. But there is nothing like that. When will I not be hurt? Will I just have to go through this pain my whole life till I die?

Well I thought life sucked. But when I was at my lowest I met him. I met Wen junhui. One year above me. A transfer student from china. I was also a transfer student. When I met him I just felt home. I felt safe for once. Even when he hurt me. Said things to me. His words made me feel like the world stoped hateing me for a little but it would go away. Even the most hurtful words he said made me feel better.

But he found out. He found out I felt this way. I thought he'd hurt me. I thought his words would finally hurt. But he didn't he didn't hurt me. Instead he hugged me. He said nice words in my ear. His words sounded so far at first but they gave me determination. But these new words sounded so close. They made me feel loved. They made me blind. Everyone's hurtful words went away.

When then said hurtful things to me it didn't matter. I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was him, his words, his breathing. His care. Thats when I finally new that he was the one I wanted. He was the one that would help me with my horrible life. He was diffrent from me. His life was almost perfect. But yet no ones lifes perfect. He told me he was put on this earth for me.

He said he was the one to help me, He said that he would be the one to not hurt him, He said he would love me when i have no one. I believed him. I trusted him. I loved him. I stood with him. I wished that we would never be apart. But when life was going good for once it all crumbled. Everything feel apart. His words started hurting. His words started to hurt little by little.

Why? Why did life have to be so hard? Why did my life have to be like this? I thought being with him would help. But our fights started hurtting. The more we fought the more they hurt. Until they were to painful to handle. So we ended it. We stoped what was between us. His new words hurt so much it felt as if I was drowning. Why did it have to be like this?

I promise im not him you. Im blaming me. Im mad that I relied on him. I put so much presure on him. I hurt him. His words might have not hurt me but mines hurt him. Im sorry. Im sorry I had hurt you. I put so much on you and expected you to just go along with it. Im sorry jun. You hate me don't you? I understand. I died because I couldn't be here anymore.

I couldn't relie on someone anymore. It was my time anyway. Don't blame yourself. But it's fine because I know you don't. I wouldn't blame myself if I was you. I deserved it. I hurt them. Me being alive was enough to hurt the world. So now im gone. Lifes better isn't it? Live your life. Live what i couldn't because life was too hard for me. I couldn't keep living life like this.

So party do things you want to do. Do what I couldn't. Be someone people want to hangout with. Being lonley isn't fun. So don't be sad be happy and live as if everyone's just there to support you. Also maybe suicide wasn't the answer but i couldn't be here anymore sorry. It's fine you don't have to forgive me! I'm used to it but fighting!

Jun Fighting! Mom sorry I was a bad kid.
Have a good life! Fighting world!
Goodbye!

X Minghao

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As I read the letter I cried. I was mean. I was never there to help minghao. He trusted me with his life. And I failed him. But i don't want to fail him again. So in his honor I will do what he wanted to do. I won't cry. I will be happy for him. I will be the reason he can turst people in his next life. I know I was an asshole but I will make sure no one goes through what he went though.

Even if it means people will hate me. They might think im happy he's gone. It hurts it hurts having him gone. He's not here no more. But I will live for him even if it hurts. But he died because of me so i will live with the guilt even if he wants me not to. Sorry hao i will break this. I will always blame myself even if im not showing it. But i will live just for you.

You gave your life because you thought we didn't want you here. Why wouldn't we? I will miss you but i won't show it. Just for you. I will make sure to live and do what you couldn't because eveyone including me hurt you. I want to go with you and cry for you and beg for fotgiveness but i can't why did you leave me her? But i won't hurt you again and leave because you want me to stay.

Im only staying because of you. You gave your life thinking i would be happy but im not im sad hurt but i promise i won't give up just for you. I will do what you want me to do just for you no one else. Minghao please wait for me. If i die i'll make sure it's because of broken heart or overworking myself. But not suicide. You did it. But i won't. I will make sure to get to you so i can ask for forgiveness.

You promise you won't be mad? It won't be suicide. Please just wait a little until i can come and get you. We can live whatever life you want. Just please wait a little longer. Im almost there.

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Sorry it's sad.

But i hope you somehow enjoyed this sad one.