Andrew
I feel horrible. I fucking hate myself, I wanna punch myself to death.
Maybe Mason is right, maybe I am possessed, so possessed that I start doing things I don't want to.
How can I? How dare I talk like that to her.
I regret it, I regret it so much.
I stayed up the whole night, screaming with my head on the pillow, punching things.
I got a text from her last night, she said she wants to meet and now I am standing here, waiting for her near a park, orange dry leaves everywhere.
I look to the side and I can see her walking, walking towards my direction. She's here and I just wanna apologize, I don't know if she will forgive me, no one should but still I wanna apologize and I don't care if I have to get on my knees.
She stops, she stops standing in front of me, leaving a few steps gap between us.
Her eyes, her eyes look so tired, so puffy like she's been crying alot and the want to punch myself to death increases.
"Elise" I walk towards her but she stops me, "Don't" she says.
"Don't, I will speak" she says, her voice steady. She exhales then looks at me again, "What do you want?"
"Elise I am-"
"I said don't" she stops me again, "I will speak"
"Why do you do this?" Her voice sounds wobbly now, like she's about to cry, "first you act so nice, sweet" she brings her hand near her face "you get so close to me, kiss me"
Her every word hits me.
"Then you act like nothing like that ever happened!" She shouts, her voice getting shaky, "You turn into a whole different person I don't know" she keeps looking at me, her eyes slowly filling up with tears.
"I- I tried to understand you, I forgave you" she looks away from me, rubbing her eyes, "you act so selfish!" She looks at me again, her eyes red "You're not the only one hurting in this whole world" tears fall down her cheeks.
And I just wanna stab myself.
"Elise" I try to approach her but she steps back with her hand up telling me to stop, her eyes closed, tears continue to fall.
"I- I can't tolerate this anymore" she wipes her tears with her long sleeves just like the first time we met, but I hate it, I hate it that I am the reason of her tears now.
"I can't tolerate feeling this way anymore" she sniffs then rubs her nose, "I don't think I can forgive you this time" she looks at me, with teary eyes and I just wanna pull her in my arms and say sorry over and over again, it doesn't matter if she doesn't forgives me, I will still keep holding her, close.
"Don't talk to me again" she says, and turns around walking towards the way she came from.
And I am here standing, doing nothing, I just let her go, what can I even do. I have been feeling this way, the thing they call depression, the pain for I don't know how long and how many days but this, why does this feels worst, why does this hurts more.
Along with the pain I feel anger, anger towards myself. I turn around with both my hands at the back of my head and scream.
*˚˚*
"Black cat got girl problems?" Mason grins at me, sitting in front of me in a chair.
"Stop calling me that" I say, looking at him with bored eyes. I am in his house, in Mason's room sitting in the bean bag while Mason's dad is playing music in the living room downstairs.
I don't quite remember when was the last time I came here, he's been the only one coming to my house asking to play video games with me.
YOU ARE READING
We met in September
Romance(at pause) Andrew, a grumpy quite boy who's still grieving for his dad and has fallen into depression Elise, a sweet lively girl who has always felt alone and lived with the whispers in her head but always covered it with her sweet fake smile What w...
