brutal | grayson hawthorne

one step forward...

***
Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray
***

"Shut up," Liz hisses as Grayson steps on a stick, causing Jameson and Avery to snap their heads around, just missing seeing Liz and Grayson trailing them in the Black Wood forest.

They know they should probably be figuring this all out themselves, but this is also a way for Liz to show to Grayson that Avery isn't anyone to be wary of.

They haven't really spoken since the night they went to see the Red Will, and he never came to the kitchen after last night's atrocity what was dinner like he normally does, so this is the first time she realized she should have something to say to him.

"I think they found something," Grayson whispers as him before her self-destructive thoughts take over, and the two take cover behind a tree trunk a couple feet from Avery and Jameson who are pointing at something in a tree.

Then, a deafening crack. Grayson's body covering Liz's. "Get down!" A voice yells. A sting on the right side of Liz's face. Blood.

"Fuck," she breathes.

***

Liz is laying on her back on Emily's old bed, ignoring the world around her and the fact that Rebecca lies down beside her.

Ever since what Liz did the day Emily died, her and Rebecca hadn't even acknowledged each other's presence.

At the moment, Liz has a small, white bandaid on her upper cheek from where she scratched it against the tree at Grayson's sudden movement to protect her from danger.

Rebecca was the one who helped her apply it while everyone else was taking care of the fact that Avery had literally been shot at.

"Bex, I know I've said sorry before-"

"And I've forgiven you before," Rebecca interrupts, ready to shake this off like she always does.

"So that's it? We can just be okay now?" Maybe Liz is just thinking about how if someone had done that to her, she doesn't know how she'd look past that and is projecting it onto Rebecca.

"I don't know if I'll ever be okay," Rebecca answers truthfully. "But I'd like to try to be with my old best friend with me," because as close as Emily and Liz were, Rebecca always had a special place in Liz's mind.

"Oh," Grayson makes his presence known as he walks into the bedroom to see the last two people he'd think to see smiling with each other.

"Grayson," Rebecca greets, sitting up a little.

Liz just stays laying down.

"I should go," Rebecca probably notices this, and Liz is too focused on trying to get the Earth to open and swallow her whole that she can't even object.

"Are you two friends again?" Grayson breaks the awkward silence now that it's just him and Liz in the room.

"I guess so," Liz starts thinking about everything. That summer. That night. Life before. Life after.

She really messed up with Thea and Rebecca. . . and partially Grayson too. All of her actions had a domino effect, and now sometimes she can't even carry a proper conversation without guilt eating at her.

"I was an idiot back then," she says, really just thinking out loud.

"Me too," Grayson answers, even though he can tell she's in her own mind right now.

"I wish I could go back in time, y'know?" She says as Grayson walks over to sit in the spot Rebecca was once in. "Do it all over again. Change it all."

"All of it?" Grayson sinks into the pillows.

"All of it."

"Even. . .-" it kills Grayson to have put his feelings out there.

"Even us," Liz is winning this Pretending Contest even if it kills her.

"We're still going to be like this with each other?" Liz always hated how it felt like Grayson could read her thoughts.

"Careful, Gray," Liz is not in the mood. "You sound like you care."

"I miss when we used to."

Liz and Emily are standing in the same bedroom, Liz sitting on the bed as Emily paces back and forth.

"I wish you would let me explain," Liz rests her hands behind her like she can't steady herself otherwise.

"Explain what? That you're hooking up with my boyfriend?"

"We're not hooking- he's not your boyfriend!" Liz knows she's getting heated, but she hates how Emily is looking at her now. Like Liz is the horrible person. "You're the one dragging along him and Jameson-"

"I can't believe you think you have the right to be mad at me right now," and Liz hates that Emily's right. She hates that maybe she is being the horrible person. "Like I'm the one who's been lying to my best friend's face."

"Well, you can't only be mad at me-"

***

"You alright?" Liz should've been the one asking that to Avery, but she's not surprised the girl looks concerned at the way Liz is sitting on the edge of the pool, converse kicked off beside her as she dips her legs into the effervescent water, staring at the stars in a way that will probably hurt her neck in the morning.

"You first," Liz has some humanity in her, and does think it's best to prioritize the girl who's just been shot at who slowly lowers herself beside Liz, crossing her legs over the other in a criss-cross way.

"Shaken," Avery gives into the concern. "Can you tell me anything about Rebecca?" Liz honestly surprised Avery hasn't turned to her with her abundance of questions sooner.

"Like what?" She's not particularly interested in the conversation, considering the memories she's just found herself lost in, but the least she can do is be a good person and maybe that'll clear her ever-guilty conscience.

"I don't know," Avery seems to just want answers, but she's not really sure what the questions are. "I guess. . . did she act. . . the way she acts before Emily?"

Liz might throw up at the mention of her name. "Kind of," she manages to get out. "Bex has always been really shy."

"And. . . what about whatever is going on between her and Thea?"

"Jesus Christ," Liz breathes, not realizing how much she still feels the feelings of that night in her bones.

"Sorry," Avery shakes her head, realizing how invasive her questions are. Realizing the name 'Emily' seems to have as much of an affect on Liz as it does Jameson and Grayson.

"No, don't be," Liz turns to her, assuring her not to worry about it. "I just. . . didn't realize grief and regret could be such bitches."

"God, they're the worst," Avery leans her head back, both girls laugh at whatever passes between them.

"What do you know about Emily?" Liz turns serious for a second, needing something to do with herself right now.

"That she's dead, and Grayson was there when she died, and Jameson says he was, but I don't really know what to do with that, and Thea and Rebecca make it sound like it was one - or both - of the brothers that killed her, and they both definitely blame themselves for her death, and I'm worried that I'm going to die too," Avery lists, then trailing off towards the end.

"You're not gonna die, Oren would never let that happen," Liz starts with what she knows she can say without her voice shaking.

"And the rest?" Avery turns, still wanting- needing more answers.

"It wasn't Jameson or Grayson's fault that Emily died," Liz clarifies for Avery. "Because it was mine."

a/n:
lolol 🤭 next chapter out soon 🤞 also my tears ricochet.