brutal | grayson hawthorne

desk or deck [someone]

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Meet Me In The Hallway by Harry Styles
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"Can't leave you alone for one minute," Grayson greets Liz as soon as she climbs up the slide into the old library where she spent most of her childhood, her bandaged hand restricting her movement from being able to climb up the pole.

She's sure she looks silly with her bandaids on her face and hand, but just ignores Grayson's remark as she takes in her surroundings.

The room hasn't changed a bit. It's small with a sloped ceiling to make a pyramid shape. The shelves are short and plain wood with only children's books covering them, all well-worn, and if her and Grayson weren't on a mission, she might've stopped to read them for old times sake.

"Here," Grayson easily pushes two shelves apart, a passageway he discovered when he pushed Nash into it when they were younger over something silly.

Liz pulled up the flashlight on her phone as Grayson lets her lead them down the winding steps.

"I'm sure Jameson and Avery will be here soon," he says as they stop in front of the desk they'd been looking for.

"Grayson, I have to tell you something," Liz rushes out, still holding her flashlight over the desk, wishing there was still some alcohol in her system.

He doesn't say anything, but Liz can feel his eyes on her in the dark, so she starts talking.

"I can't believe you think you have the right to be mad at me right now," Emily stares down at Liz, and Liz hates that maybe she is being a horrible person. "Like I'm the one who's been lying to my best friend's face."

"Then, why aren't you mad at Thea and Rebecca?" Liz stands up suddenly. She knows she's letting her emotions dictate her words, but she's grasping at anything to say that'll get rid of this pit in her stomach.

"What do they have to do with this?" Emily looks annoyed.

"I just mean, they've been sneaking around and lying to your face, and you're not lecturing them about being shitty people."

"They have?" Emily stares.

"Shit," Liz breathes. "I shouldn't have told you that," she says more to herself.

Emily scoffs. "This is such bullshit. Fuck you, Liz," and Emily stalks out of the room, already making a phone call.

"Shit shit shit."

And so Liz told Grayson everything. About how if she hadn't told Emily about Thea and Rebecca, Rebecca wouldn't have told Jameson about what Emily was doing to him and Grayson, Jameson wouldn't ended things with Emily, Thea wouldn't have felt like she had to cover for Emily while she went out with Grayson, and Emily wouldn't have died.

"If I hadn't started hanging out with you while hanging out with Emily, she wouldn't have gotten so mad with you," Grayson will not allow Liz to spiral back into blaming herself, but even has to share his guilt about all of it.

"If I hadn't started hanging out with you-"

"We're not playing this game," Grayson stops her, but not aggressively.

Liz has placed her phone atop the desk, the flashlight lighting up the room aimlessly as she turns to Grayson, the two vaguely seeing each other in the limited light.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt so guilty about all of it?" Grayson stares.

Liz is sure he's just saying it for the sake of killing time until they can share this clue with someone else. Until they can bring this all back to their childhood like the library does. But she told herself she would follow through with this, so she will, all the way.

"I was scared," Liz is voice is soft. "I didn't want to make my feelings real by saying them out loud. . . by saying them to you," Liz hopes he can feel what she does whenever they're within ten feet of each other, because otherwise this would feel silly.

Grayson reaches out a hand and Liz realizes how close they're actually standing to each other. His fingers brush over the bandaid on her face, and she almost smiles a bit at how comical it feels.

Almost.

"Don't," Liz steps away suddenly, surprising them both. "Just because I told you doesn't mean this can happen. You don't like me."

"Lizzy-" his voice is cutthroat.

"We- I mean- I'm glad that we can talk to each other and solve this mystery together, and be friends," Liz voice isn't as strong as it should be, but it's hard to set boundaries you don't fully believe in. "Friends."

And she's felt like she's asserted enough dominance, but something about the way he's looking at her makes her feel like she can't even turn towards the desk.

His eyes are watching her like he'll find what to say next in her, and when Grayson Hawthorne looks at you like that, it's hard to turn your back.

"Friends," he breathes slowly. "After everything-"

"Especially after everything, Gray," but Liz knows he's valid in that, and she's started to lose the momentum she had built up at the start of this conversation. "I can't- we can't-"

"I love you. Not just as a friend."

Liz really doesn't know what to say. I mean, this couldn't be how it went. Did she really think she could go into this forgetting the fact that the last conversation she'd ever had with Emily was a fight over Grayson? But also wasn't that the point? To clear her conscience and start anew?

"I love you too," she says carefully. Too carefully.

He can hear it. He always could.

"But?" He stares.

"But you have a mystery to solve, and last time a game came between us, someone died," she realizes what her issue is.

"Okay," his brows furrow like they always do when his mind is moving too much for his own good.

"Okay?" This is Grayson Hawthorne. He wasn't done here yet.

"Come find me when the mystery is solved then," because they both know she doesn't really have much left here now that neither can pretend they're any good at hiding their feelings.

a/n:
closure by taylor bc last author's note doesn't count