"It wasn't Jameson or Grayson's fault that Emily died," Liz clarifies for Avery. "Because it was mine."
the inheritance games trilogy
grayson hawthorne x female oc
#1 in #graysonhawthorne 💪
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Normally, atonement comes in four parts in one night.
The four who answered the 911 would conspire to determine the perfect, most humiliating, chaotic actions for the fifth person to complete for penance, and who is anyone to deny it?
However, the change in wording comes now with how only three out of five Hawthornes/secondary Hawthornes answered Xander's 911 for karaoke on time, so those three have come to the conclusion that only they should be in charge of the conspiring.
And again, considering the special circumstances, Xander already knew what his part of the plan was, and was too impatient to wait for Jameson and Nash to come together to make their big plan, but he'll be there for every step of the night that his two older brothers have planned anyway, of course.
"What else reminds you of Emily?" Liz frowns as she looks at the chessboard in front of her.
Her and Grayson are on opposite sides of it, sitting cross cross in his bed in their pajamas, hunched over the fancy chessboard Grayson always has on his bookshelf. The only light in the room is from the lamp on Grayson's beside table, but that's not the only reason Liz is squinting at the board.
Ever since her and Grayson had their heart-to-heart per Xander's request, Liz knows they're better than they've ever been now that all their thoughts are out in between them, but sometimes her mind moves without her permission.
She's not really insecure about Emily or anything or anyone, really, but she knows Grayson, and she knows he doesn't open his heart for just anyone, and when he does, he'll probably carry it with him for the rest of his life.
So she watches him take his turn carefully before he lifts his eyes, steely gray eyes practically glowing in the dim light of his bedroom so late at night.
They should be asleep right now - they both find it's easier to do so when they're together - but Liz gets dramatic every time Grayson makes a move she can't decipher and demands they start over until she can get a clear win, but this is the first game they've gotten halfway through silently.
"What?" He stares at her, his face unreadable to anyone else, but Liz can see the hesitation in his face. The confusion and doubt.
He knows how to cope when Emily is brought up, he knows how to look at Liz before either get too tense about the topic of conversation, but he doesn't always know how to let himself be vulnerable in general.
"It's just- I mean, if something as silly as a flower can make you so. . . cold-" Liz's eyes move down to the board so she can make her next move - one she decided three turns ago. "-what else should I be worried about, y'know?"
"You don't have to be worried about anything," Grayson doesn't even look down after she makes her move, forcing their eyes on each other's. "I made a mistake," he says with finality, like he's thought about this too much for Liz to doubt him now. "Out of fear and stupidity. I pushed you away because I was being dumb, and I will never let myself let you go because of some feeling I didn't know how to control."
And this provides Liz comfort in it all, but her mouth twist as she wants to say more. "I don't want you to control your feelings though," she says finally. "It's okay to have emotions. I just don't want to think I could lose you at any second."
"It wasn't about the flowers," he realizes where she's coming from now. "It was the fact that I could still be hurt by something that should be meaningless-" he clearly wants to say more, but his eyes cast down to the board and Liz can practically see the words get lodged in his throat.
"Say it," she says. "Have feelings."
"Me and Emily never had anything real," he says as some sort of disclaimer, something Liz already knew. "And yet, I still didn't know what to do with myself when I lost her. And I just wasn't ready to put myself through what would've been so much worse if I'd lost you. It was never about her. It was about how sometimes I felt like I cared about you too much. And that would break me one day."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Liz stares.
Grayson just stares back with a "really?" look in his eyes.
"Fair enough," Liz smiles slightly at his wordless confirmation that he definitely is a robot to some extent. "Well, it's a good thing that we've established that you're never losing me, isn't it?"
She watches his eyes fall to her arm that's still in a sling, so it doesn't jostle too much. It still aches, and she never uses it, even though Dr. Liu said she could, but it's in the better part of the healing stage now.
"You saved me," she says. She says it quite a bit nowadays. Whether it's just because she's looking at him for a long time and can't turn her thoughts off, or because he's looking at her for a long time and she can tell he can't turn off his.
She mumbles it against chest in the mornings after a night of bad dreams, like she needs to be reminded. To ground herself. She says it when he starts rubbing a hand on her shoulder, his eyes far too concerned for her to pretend he doesn't need to hear it every now and then too.
"You always will," she adds, to finally lift his eyes to hers again.
He nods at her. A recognition of her words. A confirmation. A promise.
"Evenin'," Grayson's door falls open, hallway light flooding in as Liz and Grayson both turn to see three silhouettes stand in the doorway.
Liz and Grayson share a collective sigh.
a/n: ivy and daylight and afterglow and the archer and out of the woods and delicate
