Confessions of a Teenage Girl

June 14,2023

June 14,2023
He's so perfect. Why cant he see? What do he mean he feels unworthy of me??? I feel unworthy of him??? I love how he's interested in me, he makes me communicate my feelings, he admires me. Why? I wanna wait for him. I like him so much. I just wish he can see that. I worry about him so much. We're both broken, but with God in the middle I know he can heal the both of us the way we need to so we can be together. Why do he feel the need to be perfect to be with me? I'm a nobody. Always the ugly friend, always the awkward tall girl, always the weird one, pushover, but  never enough. So why? He's everything I like. Why cant he see that? Why cant he see his beautiful worth as much as I do? Why is he pushing himself so hard? I just wanna see him happy. Together or not.

Pt2
I was always known as the ugly friend, someone even dated me as a dare for the love of everything. I've always been known as ugly, too fat or too skinny, double chin, too tall, always a disappointment. I laugh the pain away with other people, making jokes, but in reality I curl up into a ball and cry as I feel a pang of sadness flash in my heart when no one's around. A sadness I wouldn't want to wish on anyone. There's so many times where I almost just killed myself. I looked at life as just a tunnel, but darkness at the end. A pit of everlasting darkness that will never brighten up. God made me realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and all of this isn't for naught. It's a testimony. And then I met you. I thought to myself, "is this a joke?" "A prank?" "Why would someone be so nice like me?" That night you asked if I liked you? I balled my eyes out. I thought for sure that you would politely turn me down, and in turn unfollow me on everything like they always do. But you're different. You like me back. No, no, not only that, you've ALWAYS liked me. Why? I'm a nobody. A person unworthy of love. A person that never showed her sadness. Just wallow in it alone at 3am with a painstakingly familar song playing in the background. I cant control my emotions. That's the truth. So why? A random 18 year old girl, never noticed in her life, always in the background. This has to be a joke. It seems too good to be true.