Tuesday, June 2nd
The next day, I came home from school to find the TARDIS in my driveway. Thank God my brother wasn't home. The door opened up to the doctor, just as I was about to knock. He looked at me, but didn't say a word. His hand grabbed hold of my jacket and he pulled me inside rather harshly.
"Here." He handed me my journal. "That's all you left here, correct?"
I didn't answer.
"Well, then you can be on your way." He gestured for the door.
"What do you mean?" I wondered.
The doctor came close with hurt in his eyes and told me to go home. He told me that traveling with him was no longer an option and that I should just return to my normal life. Wow, rude.
"You knew this whole time!" He shouted at me. "And you just sat quietly and let me think everything was okay! To what? Prevent it from happening? I was bound to find out anyway! Glad it be now, so I realise before she drops dead!" There was nothing I hated more than being yelled at.
"Doctor stop!" Rose shouted weakly from behind us. The tears in my eyes leaked out when I squeezed them shut. She looked awful. Her skin was pale, she had noticeably lost weight, and her once beautiful blonde hair looked thinner than before. Bruises were now on her face, her hands, her neck. Everywhere. "I made her promise not to tell you." She continued.
Very quickly, without warning, Rose stumbled and lay on the floor. We ran over to her, asking what happened. She was too weak to stand. The doctor carried her back into her room and placed her on her bed while I covered her body with a huge blanket. I couldn't stand this. Why did this have to happen to her?
"Rose," the doctor sat beside her, softly grazing her forehead with his thumb. Then he whispered something into her ear as she nodded off into sleep. The amount of effort it took for him to crack the slightest smile broke my heart. He head off back to the console, and I followed close behind.
"Doctor, I'm--" I began, but didn't get to finish because he put his hand up, telling me to stop. After a moment, he began pacing around nervously, trying to distract himself.
"You know I can't help but feel that this is all my fault." He looked down and then smacked his hands against the controls in front of him; frustrated.
"How the hell would this be your fault?" I walked closer to him. "Doctor I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry that you feel that way ...I really am."
"No, it's okay. I'm fine." His voice shook.
"Then why are you on the verge of tears?"
"Because I lied. I'm not fine. Not at all."
And that's when he lost it. He buried his face in his hands and let himself cry. Being who I am, I didn't know hat to do. How does one comfort a 904 year old time lord? He didn't exactly come with a manual. So, I did what any human would do, and hugged him. Unexpectedly, he hugged me back, wrapping his arms around my torso while mine rested on his shoulders.
I got emotional. Who wouldn't? Rose was dying and there was nothing we could do. Tears rolled down my cheek for the second time that day, and landed on the doctor's suit.
He pulled away with a sniffle, and I awkwardly wiped my eyes. "Look, what I said before ...I didn't mean it. I still want you to come with me."
Damn it tear ducts would you knock it off?! I smiled and nodded, letting him know that I understood.
"From the looks of it, she's got less than 24 hours." The pain in his voice was ...I can't even describe it.
"Let's not talk about that, okay?" I rubbed his shoulder. After another quick hug, and a kiss on the forehead, the doctor left me to be with Rose who had begun coughing just before.
This was shit. Literal shit.
I went home for a short time, making it believable that I had gone to bed, when really I had snuck out to go back in the TARDIS.
--
It was 3:00 AM when Rose took her last breath. I would like to say that she went painlessly and I would like to say that the doctor didn't cry for hours ...but that's not true. It was slow and cruel. Like taking your time to remove a bandage. I didn't speak after that. Not until the sun was up and I had to leave for school.
"Later." I said to the doctor as I walked to the door. That was the first word I'd spoken in the last three hours.
"Sam, wait." He stopped me. "I wanted to thank you." His tear stained cheeks curved as he tried smiling. "For being here while all this happened."
"Sure thing." I gave him a thumbs-up.
"No, really. It probably would have been eleven times worse without you here to--"
"She was more than a friend, wasn't she ...?" I spoke before he could finish.
His mouth closed and he thought for a bit. "Yeah." He managed. "Yeah, she was."
My eyes were done crying. They had run dry. I hugged the doctor tightly and whispered. "I don't even know you that well, but I'll tell you what I do know. It broke my heart to see you like this, and to see her like that."
He pulled away. "I know. And I'm so sorry you were dragged into this."
"Doctor, adventures have their own ups and downs. This is one of the downs, but there's bound to be ups in the future. And you know all about the future, don't you?" I looked into his eyes and put one hand in the crook between his neck and shoulder.
"Absolutely." He grinned, and finally I knew it was a real one.
