Cupid's Push - Bunny

Chapter 4

"Heidi Turner." Cartman says smugly, approaching the brown haired girl.

"Hmm? Oh, Cartman. What do you want?"

"So, you're friends with Butters now right?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I need some information. Apparently, Butters likes someone. A girl. Do you by any chance know who that is?"

"Maybe, maybe not, even if I do.. Why would I tell you?"

"Because.. if you do.. I'll give you a concert ticket to see Lana Del Ray."

"How do you even have a ticket for her..?"

"I have my ways. So, do we have a deal?"

Heidi sighs. "I don't know who Butters likes, but I know he's not friends with many girls. Only me and Wendy really. I don't think he has a crush on Wendy though."

"Perfect. Thanks."

"When can I get my ticket?"

"In another lifetime, see ya!"

"What?! Cartman get back here!"

The day of school is finished, and Cartman is back in his room. Once again, scheming.

"Cupid Me, I think I know who the culprit is."

"Really?! Who?"

"I think it's Heidi."

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, he's started talking to her more and he was even talking to her the day I gave Kenny the love letter."

"Okay.. so what should we do about it?"

"I seriously don't know.."

"I got it! If Butters likes Heidi, then let's just set up Heidi with someone else!"

"Great idea! How about Kyle? They almost got together in the past-"

"No!" Cartman interrupts him.

"Uhh.. why?"

"Because, Stan and Kyle belong together, obviously." Eric rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

"Whatever you say, who should we get her with then?"

"Wendy."

"Is everyone going to be gay?"

"If that's what it comes to, then yes. You got a problem with it?"

"No, just saying.. so how will we go about doing this?"

"Maybe we could set them up on a blind date.. I can make up for tricking Heidi! Perfect."

'~*Time Skip*~'

"Hello again Heidi." Cartman approaches Heidi in the hallway.

She sighs, a look of annoyance on her face. "What do you want?"

"Listen, I'm sorry for scamming you out of answers, but I can make up for it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm going to set you up with the love of your dreams!"

"Yeah, goodbye." she says, turning away.

"Wait! No, I'm seriously! It'll go great! I swear!"

"How do I know you're not trying to trick me again?"

"I don't have a way of proving to you I'm not lying, but.. if I do trick you, I give you permission to punch me once."

"Deal." she says immediately.

Cartman looks a little concerned at how fast she obliged, but he quickly gets back to the topic.

"So, meet at the new fancy restaurant in town around 6. I hope to see you there!"

"Wait what-"

"I mean- I hope you guys have a nice date!" he rubs the back of his neck nervously. She narrows her eyes at him in suspicion.

"Alright then. Cya." she says, before walking away.

"Phew, that was close."

"What was close?" someone says sternly, approaching him from behind. Cartman turns around to see the one and only JJG: Jersey, Jew, ginger. Also known as Kyle.

"Oooh, heyy Kahl!" he says, stretching out his words conspicuously. Kyle glares at him.

"What are you up to now?"

"Nothing, stay out of my business Jew."

"I'm serious, what are you up to?"

Eric sighs. "Fine, I'll tell you. I'm setting up Heidi and Wendy on a date."

"Why?"

"No reason in particular. I'm just being nice."

"Why are you setting up Heidi and Wendy on a date?" Kyle asks again.

"Ugh, I'm getting them together in order to get Butters and Kenny together."

"How does that work?"

"I think that Butters likes Heidi, so I'm going to get her out of the way. Plus, I think they would make a good couple." he says smugly.

"You really should stop interfering with others' relationships."

Cartman repeats his sentence with a mocking tone. "Listen Kahl, I know what I'm doing. So stay out of it."

"Whatever." Kyle leaves, not wanting to spend any more time talking to him.

'~*Time Skip*~'

Cartman lies down on the ground, staying hidden behind some bushes next to Cupid Cartman. He brings out some binoculars.

"They're greeting each other!" Cupid Cartman says.

"Perfect. It's all going according to plan."

A little time passes and someone sneaks up behind Cartman, for the second time of the day.

"Sir, are you spying on one of our costumers?! You need to leave immediately!" One of the restaurant employees yells.

"Suck my balls." Cartman pulls out a Glock and shoots him in the head.

"Next time, don't interrupt my matchmaking. Cupid Me, do you mind cleaning that up?"

"On it."

Some more time passes, and Wendy and Heidi's date finally finishes.

"They're coming outside!" Cupid Cartman says.

Eric adjusts his binoculars to see better, and observes closely.

"They just kissed! I think the date went well! Wow, that's impressive."

"We're so good at this!"

'~*Time Skip*~' (I'm so sorry to the people who don't like Weidi- please forgive me 😭🙏)

Wendy and Heidi walk into the school holding hands. Cartman approaches them.

"Soo, are you guys dating?" he smirks.

"Uhh no, we're still getting to know each other, nothing official yet." Heidi says, smiling.

"That's great! Does that make up for me tricking you?"

"Y'know what.. yeah. It does."

"Awesome, see ya guys later!"

He walks away. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Butters staring at the two, looking shocked. Cartman smiles deviously.

"All according to plan." he repeats to himself.