Cupid's Push - Bunny

Chapter 8

Butters sits in his room, contemplating his life to himself.

"I.. I think I've fallen for Kenny. I felt so sad when he told me he liked someone else.. Of course now I like him back. After he no longer likes me.. But I should be happy he's moved on, right?"

He face palms.

"I'm so pathetic.."

Cartman creeps across the wall, and goes back downstairs. He was eavesdropping Butters the whole time.

"No way.."

He exits the house and walks back to his own. When he gets there he immediately goes to his room and calls for Cupid Cartman.

"Any update?" he says, appearing.

"Yes. Butters likes Kenny now!"

"Really?! That's great!"

"Yeah.. but Kenny likes someone else already.."

"You've got to be shitting me!"

"No.. what do we do?"

"I know what we must do. It'll be evil though."

"Evil is my middle name. What's the plan?"

Cartman and Cupid Cartman spend a while making an elaborate plan on how to bring the two together.

¶

Cartman looks around the hall and spots Kenny. He approaches Kenny.

"Hello there, Kenny."

He sighs. "Cartman, what do you want. You only sound all fancy like that when you're up to something."

"Well, I heard that you like someone. I'm inclined to know who it is. Would you mind telling me?"

"Uh, no. Knowing you, you're probably gonna do something with that information to cause some kind of chaos."

"Who, me? Never." He quickly thinks of an excuse. "We're doing an essay on love in my class, and I want to use you as an example."

"Bullshit."

"No, I'm seriously! Do you want me to fail?"

"Why don't you just pick someone else. Like.. Wendy and Heidi? Or some more popular celebrity couple?"

"Cause, that's so basic! I'm sure the rest of class will do something like that!"

"Alright, fine. I like Nicole."

Ugh! He did not! The audacity!

"Alright, thanks!" he walks off.

Seriously, Nicole?! It could've been anyone else. Whatever, it's time to get to work, this will be worth it.

¶

A few days have passed and Kenny is going on a date with Nicole. Cartman watches the whole thing, once again.

"Psht, as much as I hate watching this, it's necessary for my plan." he says, staring through his binoculars.

The date finishes and Cartman makes his escape.

I think it went well, sadly but also gladly. Oh my god I literally have bars.

¶

He approaches Nicole in the hallway.

"Nicole!"

"Umm, Eric? Why are you talking to me?"

"I need your help with something."

"Why me?"

"No one else will help. So, I have this play for drama class.. and I need help with acting for it. Sadly you will have to kiss me for it though. It's a part of the act."

"I'd rather jump into a volcano."

"Ouch. But please can you help? I'm really bad at acting and I'm desperate!"

"I can't do that to Kenny."

"You guys are a couple?"

"Yes."

"It's just a little act! He doesn't have to know! And even if he does find out you can just tell him the cause right?"

"Fine. You owe me after this though."

"Deal, here's the script."

He hands her a poorly written script and they rehearse the lines. Once they get to the kissing part Cartman makes himself out to be more shocked than he needs to be.

"Thank you so much for helping me Nicole. I think I can really do my best now!"

"Yeah whatever, I'm gonna go bleach my lips."

"Yikes." he says, watching Nicole run to the bathroom. He picks up a hidden camera that was placed on top of a locker, and begins to laugh maniacally.