Yoonmin in Malta

26 - Love Yourself (II)

As the tour progresses, Yoongi is increasingly plagued by guilt. It seems to him that Jimin is not coping well with the constant emotional distance between them. A wall of invisible distance separates them. Jimin becomes a master at avoiding Yoongi, and their simmering conflict slowly seeps into their performances. Yoongi can't help but feel a twinge of frustration as he finds Jimin's avoidance during their bows at the end of each concert a bit childish. After all, what harm could come from simply holding hands?

Nevertheless, Yoongi doggedly persists in his efforts to bridge the emotional divide between him and Jimin, actively seeking out his company. However, the elder makes sure to interact only in a strictly professional manner, as expected, between band members, yet Jimin continues to maintain a certain distance.

However, this is not the only reason why Yoongi feels a growing concern for Jimin's emotional well-being. But he is unable to bridge the growing gap between them as he finds himself forced into the role of an observer. One night after an exhausting concert, Jimin surprises everyone by starting a Vlive stream. Yoongi, just a few steps away across the hotel hallway, watches torn between curiosity and uneasiness. As he follows the stream, Jimin's condition becomes painfully obvious to the rest of the group.

During the live stream, Jimin appeared worn out but tried to keep up a cheerful facade, although his tired eyes and chosen words revealed a deeper truth. Yoongi couldn't tear his eyes away, captivated by the feeling of Jimin's gnawing loneliness masked by his artificial smile. It wasn't until the sudden visit of Jin and Hobi that Jimin's mood visibly changed. The simple presence of his beloved friends brought a remarkable relaxation to his hunched shoulders and troubled face.

A few days later, Namjoon mentioned an incident that had happened during their stay in L.A. He had spoken about how Jimin, completely drunk, had broken down in front of the rest of the team and confessed his deep-seated loneliness. Yoongi felt a heavy weight settle in his chest as he listened, overwhelmed with remorse and self-blame. He couldn't help but blame himself for Jimin's emotional state. In the midst of his regret, Yoongi made himself wonder if his decision to keep a strictly professional relationship with Jimin was the right one.

It was Yoongi himself who took the initiative back in Taipei. He was the one who lured Jimin to his hotel room under a false pretense, unable to resist his own desires. And Yoongi was also the one who had eagerly undressed Jimin that night, desperate to be close to him, longing for a shared intimacy.

Jimin's actions were most likely driven by his need to escape his own loneliness. And Yoongi? Well, he simply dumped Jimin who apparently didn't return the feelings for him that the elder had hoped for. He dumped him without any explanation, leaving Jimin feeling abandoned and confused.

---

Yoongi stands on the stage, his heart heavy with the burden of his conflicted emotions. The crowd's deafening cheers blend into a swirl of sound, reverberating through his body. He knows he should be lost in the music, giving his all to the performance, but his mind is elsewhere. He feels like a puppet, mechanically going through the motions, his soul detached from the vibrant energy that radiates from the fans.

As the music transitions into the next song, Yoongi's hands become clammy and his heart rate begins to quicken. He knows what is coming next, and a mixture of nervousness and fear runs through him. It's time for 'I Need U', a song that feels like a painful reminder of the broken connection he has with Jimin.

As the music swells around him, Yoongi's thoughts wander, his mind clouded by the tension between him and Jimin. He can't shake the feeling that every time he performs certain parts of their songs, Jimin's reaction is tinged with sensitivity.

His gaze searches the stage, finding Jimin amongst the other members. Their eyes briefly meet and in that instant, Yoongi can see the pain etched into Jimin's features, a reflection of the torment that lies within his own heart. Yoongi's heart clenches at the thought, a mix of guilt and frustration weighing heavy upon his chest.