Yoonmin in Malta

24 - The Walk (III)

Content Warning: This chapter describes emotional distress, feelings of shame and betrayal. It also portrays the consequences of failed communication and sexual misinterpretation, which may be uncomfortable or distressing for some readers.

---

Yoongi feels like they've finally arrived at the point he's longed for. But as Jimin intensifies their embrace, Yoongi begins to feel a growing sense of unease, pulling away from the younger. He wants to talk about their relationship, but Jimin keeps closing the gap between their lips and moves closer to him.

Eventually, Yoongi tries again to gently remove himself from Jimin's embrace, placing a hand on the younger man's chest, but Jimin won't let him go. Instead, he takes Yoongi's hand and guides it down to his crotch. In rhythmic movements, he begins to press Yoongi's hand against his erection. It takes the elder a moment to realize what's happening, and his emotions flood him as Jimin tightens his grip even more.

Yoongi is in shock, unsure of what to make of the younger man's behavior. He can feel his heart racing as he tries to make sense of the situation. A wave of bitterness washes over him as he considers the possibility that Jimin may only be interested in a physical relationship. As idols, they are forbidden from dating, leaving only the option of satisfying their sexual desires within the band.

Yoongi tries to calm himself down, to push away these negative thoughts. He hates himself for thinking this way, but it's hard to ignore the evidence in front of him – the way Jimin was responding to his innocent touches with such inappropriate horniness.

He tries to remind himself that he's not just an object for Jimin's pleasure, that there's more to their relationship than just this physical attraction. But as Jimin continues to rub against him, it becomes harder and harder for Yoongi to believe otherwise.

Yoongi retraces every sexually charged moment they've shared, trying to piece it together. That night in the hotel room in Taipei, Jimin had responded to Yoongi's cautious kiss with unpredictable desire. Yoongi also remembered how naturally Jimin had repeatedly pressed Yoongi's head down on his erection to satisfy his own needs. He could still feel the younger's fingers digging into his scalp as he pushed him down.

With a heavy heart, Yoongi also remembers how Jimin had snapped at him when he dared asking how they were going to express their affection for each other towards the rest of the band. Their time together wouldn't have been a big deal anyway, he remembers Jimin exclaiming before storming out of the room in a rage.

Yoongi also thinks back to their moments together in Malta and believes he can see no signs that Jimin ever returned his feelings. He can only think of the way Jimin's body strained under his touch with raw, unbridled lust. And then there was Jungkook's confession at the bar. He remembers the confusion taking root in him as he listened to Jungkook reveal how Jimin had explored his chances with the youngest that first night.

Yoongi not only believes that he was used, but also that he was naive and foolish. He realizes now that he had been wearing rose-colored glasses, protecting him from the painful truth. He had been so certain that they shared a special connection, but now he wonders if it was all just in his head. It hurts to realize that Jimin might have used him solely for physical pleasure, and that all the sweet moments they had shared were just a part of an act.

The leaden realization makes his heart grow cold and his body tense up. Though he doesn't want to believe his own conclusions could deceive him, he gives Jimin another chance to explain himself. With a sharp intake of breath, Yoongi forcefully removes himself from Jimin's embrace and roughly grabs his wrists. Jimin winces in pain and surprise, but he barely registers it.

Yoongi struggles to keep his voice steady as he says, "We need to talk."

"Hyung! It's been so long since I could feel you," the younger pleads, struggling to break free from Yoongi's grip.

But then Jimin's heart sinks as Yoongi's piercing gaze meets his own. Disappointment is etched into every feature of his face, his eyes filled with something that Jimin can only read as disgust. And it's the disgust that makes him shiver involuntarily. Jimin feels as if he has exposed himself to Yoongi and suddenly fears that the feelings they just experienced so intensely might have vanished into thin air.

As Jimin stares into Yoongi's disappointed gaze, the weight of his actions hits Jimin with full force. He had let himself be carried away by the moment and failed to address the issue at hand. Shame courses through him as he realizes the inappropriate sexualization of their interaction. He feels something in his chest starting to burn painfully. This sharp pain also causes his throat to tighten, making it difficult for him to breathe.

"What do you think we're doing here?" Yoongi's voice demands an answer, his grip loosening on Jimin's wrists, his face is etched with impatience.

Panic hits Jimin and leaves him speechless. Even if he could think of an answer quickly, he doubts that he will be able to get a single word out of his throat.

"Hyung, I... ", Jimin croaks, swallows hard and tries to answer again, "We're having a nice evening." Jimin puts on a painful smile.

It's the kind of smile that feels involuntary, appearing in the most unfortunate situations, when you don't feel like smiling at all. Jimin hates the betrayal of his body. He knows that he just ruined everything and desperately tries to come up with another explanation, while simultaneously attempting to wipe the painful smile off his face. But Yoongi speaks first.

"I'll get us a taxi. It's getting late," Yoongi says, his voice curt and distant. He stands up abruptly, pushing Jimin off his lap and walks to the riverbank. He takes out his phone and quickly types on it, his fingers tapping against the screen with impatience.

Jimin remains paralyzed on the bench and stares at the ground. The weight of his actions hits him hard and he feels ashamed of himself. He can feel Yoongi's presence as he waits for the taxi, but Jimin can't bring himself to look up. He would only see the ice-cold expression of disgust in Yoongi's face that he also feels for himself at this moment. When the taxi arrives, Jimin hears Yoongi's signal and follows him silently to the car, where the elder takes the front seat without a word, leaving Jimin no choice but to sit alone in the backseat.

Jimin completely blanked out the drive to their shared apartment. An unknown emptiness spreads through him and every memory of their moments together suddenly disappears. All he remembers is Yoongi's piercing stare and the disgust on his face.

The elder also leads the way as they silently walk up the stairs to their apartment. When Jimin finally enters the hallway, he notices that Yoongi suddenly stops. He looks down at the younger man, but Jimin can't help but duck under his gaze. He feels the weight of Yoongi's stare on him, but can't bring himself to meet it.

"Good night, Jimin," Yoongi says quietly and turns to head towards his room. But before he can take a step further, Jimin interjects, "I'm sorry, hyung."

Yoongi doesn't respond, but his gaze lingers on Jimin once again for a beat before he steps into his room, leaving Jimin alone in the hallway. The sound of the closing door echoes through the apartment, filling the silence that now hangs heavily in the air.

Like a beaten dog, Jimin retreats to his room and buries himself under the covers of his bed. The emptiness that consumed him just moments ago has been replaced with a sense of numbness. Jimin feels nothing at all, as if he would crumble to dust at any moment.