Quit

Chapter 51

{ Your POV }

I woke up the next morning after the nightclub. My vision of what happened was blurry, but somehow I found myself in my own bed in my apartment.

I picked up my phone and saw a dozen missed calls and messages, but only two of them were from Ariana. She asked for my opinion on an outfit, but since I was a couple of hours late, I didn't reply anymore.

Abelito
Y/n, are you serious?
How could you do that?
Bro, you're really messed up, what the fuck?

I was confused until I noticed that 21 had also texted me.

21
Morning
I'm really sorry about what happened last night
Fuck, I was so wasted, I wasn't thinking
I deleted the story as soon as I woke up this morning
I'm so sorry

What the hell happened? I was so dang confused, so I decided to call Abel, who picked up immediately.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? How could you do that to her?" Abel yelled at me.

"What? What did I do and to whom? Does this have something to do with 21's deleted story?" I asked.

"You don't even know? What the fuck. Check our chat." He said, and I opened our chat.

I was shocked, to say the least. In that video, I was getting twerked on by some blonde stripper who looked like she was from GTA 5. And I was touching her.

Fuck. Ariana has probably seen this. What did I do?

I watched the video again, feeling anger mixed with guilt and regret.

My heart ached at the thought of Ariana.

Drugs had been my escape from reality, but so had she. Yet, they were tearing us apart, even though Ariana and drugs had the same effect on me.

But why? Why did they make me push her away, confuse my feelings, and leave me yearning for her while also pushing her away?

What I did was more than wrong. She was the one who held me at night and saw through my darkness.

I know I should feel guilt and the weight of my actions, but somehow those emotions felt distant, weakened by the drugs in my system.

I did feel bad, but not from the bottom of my heart. It wasn't a genuine guilt I was experiencing.

I knew I needed to change if I wanted to keep Ariana. Because she deserved someone who could give her love and stability, something I couldn't give her.

But I wasn't ready to face my demons while in a sober state. I was destroying myself, and Ariana as well. I left her confused with my distance and hurt by my actions.

She was the only one who truly cared about me, yet I pushed her away. But as a drug addict, empathy was something I lacked for a while now. I didn't have the ability to truly and genuinely understand what I did.

I wish I could change, but I wasn't ready to confront it yet. The numbness that drugs gave me outweighed the pain of losing Ariana. I couldn't deny that. I wasn't willing to lose either of them though.