Quit

Chapter 52

{ Ariana's POV }

It's been a few days since Y/n cheated on me and well, nothing was the same anymore. Y/n and I fucked almost every day, there were no words spoken between us, except when having sex and a little bit of small talk.

I had never been so distant and yet so close with someone before and it tore me apart. I was laying on her chest, or she was deep inside me, yet she was in another world than I was in.

Right now she was sleeping, under the influence of drugs of course, with my head on her chest, I was listening to her heartbeat again. We just had sex and she had her arms around me tightly as if she was protecting me from the world. But she was the one I needed protection from.

I was currently talking on the phone to Courtney because I knew Y/n wouldn't hear a thing.

"As I just mentioned Court, she's on drugs right now. She didn't keep her word, not one bit. She promised me she'd try to change but she didn't." I continued what I was telling Courtney.

"Only one day after promising me that, she came over. Her eyes were all heavy and red, as if they would fall shut any second. It was like she was dead. Her skin still looks so pale and dull." I explained.

"It's like she's fading away more and more each day, and it breaks my heart to see it." My voice shook a little as I continued.

"Y/n's so slow each time she does something. And her smile, I haven't seen it in so long and it's my favorite thing in the world. It's so pretty. And her laugh, oh how I miss that sound. I'm scared that I'll never see it again." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"I miss the old Y/n. I know she was always on drugs. I don't think I know what Y/n's like when she's sober but gosh, I miss when she was somewhat okay. I miss the Y/n I fell in love with. While I love every version of her, this one just breaks my heart, Court." I finished, and my tears started falling.

I cried silently on Y/n's chest as Courtney tried to comfort me but nothing was helping. The only one that could comfort me was the one that caused me this pain.

There was only one thing that got better though. Y/n didn't mix any drugs anymore. The only drug she ever took was Xanax, but she took it so often, it was more concerning than usually. She was so addicted to it and I had no idea what it was about that drug that had her so hooked. She couldn't live without it.

While I knew that it calmed her down and gave her an escape from this reality, I also wondered why I couldn't do that to her? Scratch that. I knew I had the same effect on her but why did she put it above me.

"The fact that you have to compete with a fucking drug is so fucked up Ari. I love Y/n with all my heart but that is so fucked up. It's so fucking sad and you keep sticking up for her and yet all she does is turn the tables so that you are the bad guy. She talks about Xanax being her medication when she's feeling anxious while she's your medication when you're feeling anxious. She's all you ever talk about and think about." Courtney spoke up and before I could say anything, she continued.

"And the saddest fucking part is that there's two ways to know when you're thinking about her, it's either your face is glowing and you have the biggest smile on your face, or your face is full of concern and worry and sadness, which is the case most of the time." She finished.

Courtney was right. It was crazy how a person could make me so happy and sad at the same time. But for some reason I ignored the sad parts of our relationship and of her personality, and focused on the small, good ones.