Insomnia

28| Goodbyes

Chanel's POV

Hospitals. Why do I always end up in one? Either it was me or someone I care for and today it was Landon's father. Landon and I sat right across from each other with his father in between us. He laid in the hospital bed with a heartbeat but nothing else. Every few moments I felt Landon look at me and just stare before looking away again. I knew exactly what was going on in his mind. 'My dad could have been passed out for hours and I was gone screwing this addict.' Every time he looked at me, that's the sentence he repeated to himself. He was hurting, I could tell. I myself felt so bad, my chest was heavy. It almost felt hard to breathe.

Doctors kept coming in and out of the room and not once did they say anything to us. They just poked at and looked at him, writing things down on their clipboards and passing it down to other doctors. I was so scared that they would all come back and say he was gone. I had no idea how Landon would take it. My gut knew how we'd leave here tonight but I refuse to think about it. Chris knew something was wrong last night and that's why he gave me the key. Even this morning before school he said he was in great pain but laughed it off. Before I left to go see Valentina he gave me a hug tighter than ever. I could only imagine what was going on before Landon left home just to come see me.

I caught Landon staring at me this time and I couldn't take it. My nose was hurting from the piercing and I decided to get up. I fixed my dress and walked out, I went to the front desk and immediately a nurse walked up to me flashing a light in my face. "Is everything okay ms?" She asked as I pushed her hand away from me. "I want an update on Christopher Kingsley please." She knew who I was talking about. She was one of the people who kept coming in. "Mr. Kingsley is in a fragile state." She started but I cut her off. "I'm I leaving here without him or not? I don't need the pep talk." I told her as I tried adjusting the piercing. "We're not sure. The odds aren't in our favor." She mumbled. I shut my eyes and felt every bone inside me tense up.

"Ms. Ivy?" I heard from behind me. When I turned around I recognized Dr.Mancini, the one who helped with my head injury. "Is everything okay, why are you back?" Her eyes immediately landed on my head. "No, I'm fine, I have family here." Her eyebrows dipped. "I'm so sorry to hear that, if you need anything come find me. However I see your wounds are healing." She tried to avoid the awkward conversation and checked my arm. "This will leave a scar but our forehead is clearing up nicely." She gave me a nice smile before started to walk away. I caught up to her and walked with her. "Can you check this for me? It might be infected." I asked as I grazed my hand around my nose.

She made a turn and we walked into a small room. I sat down on a chair and she brought over a tray with lots of things. I noticed I had left my purse at Landon's house song with my purse. I was walking around in slippers with a very short dress and a face of makeup minus my lipstick and mascara that ran earlier. My hair was starting to frizz up again in the bun it was in and I was starting to feel cold. Dr. Mancini flashed a light up my nose and moved the ring around. "When did you get this done?" She asked, putting gloves on. "A few hours ago. It wasn't done professionally." I admitted. She chuckled and sprayed something up my nose. As we both waited for it to dry the silence between us was broken by doctors running all in the same direction.

"How do you deal with this? People dying in your hands every day." She checked up my nose again and grabbed a bottle and shook it. "By not guilt tipping myself into believing it's my fault because it's not." She wasn't telling me that she was convincing herself. She put a gel-like thing up my nose and gave me the bottle before removing her gloves. "It's on me. I hope everything is okay for you and your family Ms. Ivy." She said walking out. "Me too." I whispered to myself. I looked around before getting up and leaving as well.

When I walked back into the room I brought water and snacks from the cafeteria. I placed them on the table while he paced back and forth in front of the bed. I sat down where he was sitting and begged Chris to be okay in my head. Before I knew it Landon waved his jacket in front of my face. "Keep it. It's cold and I'll deal." I told him as I leaned back into the chair. "Please just take it." I hesitated before grabbing the jacket and putting it on. He went back to pacing and I just watched.

Was it wrong that in this situation I was admiring him? He was so beautiful to me. He was pretty and at the same time he was the scary protective one. He crossed his arms and the ink on his arms caught my eyes. As I continued I noticed his scars under the ink. He broke beautiful skin and told me not to break mine.

He knew what I was going through because he was going through it as well but still put on a smile for me. He walked the halls of Heaven High next to me like he was prince charming. I wanted to stand up but I hesitated. He stopped pacing and just stood at the bottom on his bed. I wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay but when It was me being hugged and told it would be okay, it didn't help.What was I going to do? The only thing that made me feel better was a mountain of cocaine and a rolled up five dollar bill.

"How'd you deal?" He said not once looking at me. "How'd you deal with your dad and brother?" I cleared my throat and stood up. I stood next to him and we looked over Chris. "Drugs." I admitted. "How am I dealing with it now? I keep them in my head and I listen to what I know they'd want for me. I try to do my best with them. I held myself together knowing they loved me." His hand brushed mine and I slipped my hand into his, he held tight. "You know your father loves you, and you know he wants what's best for you. You hold yourself together so you know you're making him proud. You'll break here and there so you find someone who's willing to break with you and or pick up your pieces while they pick up their own." He lowered himself just a bit and lifted my hand to kiss.

We stood there for a while and just hoped for the best. But after a while, the best slipped through our fingers. Chris's heart monitor went flat. Dead. I checked the clock on the wall and read the time. "4:58 am." He took in a deep breath and he squeezed my hand. Seconds later doctors rushed in as blue lights started to go off. We didn't move as they worked around us. I stayed exactly where he needed me to be and deep down I know Chris wanted me by his side as well. I looked up at Landon and he looked stone cold. Not a tear or a reflex in sight. He turned around and let go of my hand. He walked out of the room and I followed him. He was walking fast so when I caught up with him I slipped my finger into one of his belt loops, hoping to stay close.