Pieces of Us| h.s.

Chapter Five.

Sydney Archer

We arrived in Cardiff this morning for our show. After tomorrow we head more up north and then we're back down for Festival X. Being back on tour for me feels more like being at home, I love touring more than anything in the world. It's my true happy place.

We had a few spare minutes before we were called for soundcheck, and today there isn't a single cloud in the sky so I headed for a smoke. A habit I'm not very proud of, I don't  think it's an attractive thing to smoke, rotting away your insides for a quick rush. I never had anybody to tell me 'no' when I started though, I just thought it was what all the cool kids did.

I decided to ring Julian, in the hopes he'd answer and make an appearance at tonight's show considering he didn't come to London. I don't mind him not coming to our shows, I just haven't seen him in a while and for once we're actually in the same country.

'Are you coming to Cardiff?' I asked over the phone. 'I thought you'd make London but, it's okay. I won't see you for a few weeks though.'

'I'll be there, Sydney,' He told me. 'I'm sorry about last night, I really am love. Wanted to be there for it more than anything but, tonight I'll be there. Promise.'

'Will you actually? I don't mind whether you're there or not just, I'd rather not be disappointed by you not coming,' I sighed.

'I'll be there. There's a car getting me in an hour or two so I'll make it in time. Told the crew I couldn't make a script reading 'cause my girlfriends hot as shit band was playing and I just wouldn't miss it.'

'I'm sure you did.' I smiled, rolling my eyes a little. 'Well I'll see you tonight I gotta go.

'Love you Sydn-'

I hung up when I seen Jamie standing behind me, also having a smoke. I don't know how long he was standing there but I never heard him appear so seeing him there gave me such a fright. My heart nearly stopped beating.

He stood with a smirk on his face, shaking his head a little and I knew exactly why. They all joke about me being stubborn and apparently I can be quite blunt, which I don't really ever mean. I always feel bad about it too, but then I think I'm just speaking truthfully and protecting myself. I don't know if it would come across as blunt if I was a man.

'I was not being mean to him!'I defended myself before Jamie said anything.

'I know you weren't,' He shook his head, chuckling slightly. 'Standing your ground Syd, as you should.'

'Am I delusional for kind of wanting him to come to one of our gigs? Like is that fucking crazy or something because I truly do not understand what is so absurd about that?' I sat down on the wall ledge. 'It's not like we play songs that I wrote about him or anything. Maybe it is insane to ask, I don't even know. I don't even care.'

Jamie sat down next to me, laughing a little about my rant and probably about the fact I said I didn't care. If I didn't care I don't think i'd be this irritated by it so perhaps I'm wrong. I do care, I just wish I didn't. I wish I didn't feel spiteful and have the urge to sing all our sad songs about how shit love is. I wish I wasn't like that over every minor inconvenience.

Growing up I was let down constantly, I never had the childhood everybody around me did. At an age where your biggest worry should be which toy to play with, mine was whether we'd be getting something for dinner that day. Now I've grown up, reflecting on my childhood fills me with rage, but my heartbreaks for Jas and I, we were just children. I think that's why I have such a guard up in my life now. I protect myself in ways I don't recognise because I subconsciously try to prevent being hurt before it actually happens.