Wolfstar // Jegulus One-Shots

4. Beauty - Wolfstar

TW - Child Abuse - use of f slur

The words his mother said stuck to him everyday of his life, at this point it might be engrained in his brain. Everyday when he looks in the mirror he can see all the things wrong, hes too fat, ugly, disgraceful, a dissapointment. The list goes on and on. And its all that sirius think about.

And remus noticed. He noticed when he saw the looks on sirius's face getting ready for class in the morning, the way his expression of contentment falls when he looks in their bathroom mirror. And it hurts remus to see him this way because remus know that whatever hes thinking is what his mother mustve told him last time they saw eachother, and his mother was not a good person. That was well known, but what wasnt well known to sirius was that his motjer was full of lies.

It was a friday night, and it was time for bed, and when sirius thought remus wasnt looking he looked in the mirror, but this time wasnt like the others, this time his mother words were killing him from inside out. And this time when he looked at himself the words fell so heavy on him that a sob conquered his body frame. causing him to shake from head to toe.

The instance remus saw sirius crack, he ran over worried about his lover, was he alright? did something happen? Remus knew sirius wasnt a talker when it came to his inner-battles, to him they were inner for a reason, not to be shared to the outer world. so remus settled on wrapping his arms around sirius, pulling him so tight his sobs were muffled.

"youre okay, youre safe. I got you im not going anyway."

sirius fist clenched onto remus shirt, surely to cause rinkles but it didnt matter to him. Nothing mattered besides helping his lover through whatever it was going through his mind. choking himselfs on his cries, filled with sorrow and something remus just couldnt pin-point. It was a new tone of sobs, one he'd never heard before. and fuck, did it stab remus like a thousand knives.

" Its going to be okay, youre safe with me love, i promise."

sirius shook his head, he didnt beleive the words pouring out of remus's heart. Even if the words were fulled of sincerity, it wasnt going to be okay, sirius was never going to be okay. He was not okay. His mother words would forever haunt his soul. sticking to him, never letting him feel freed of these words thar his mother tounge spoke and he didnt know why it hurt so much, why he let his mothers words create his road of life,

"I promise love youll be okay, whatevers going on will pass soon."

Remus didnt know if whar he was telling sirius was true. Would whatever going on pass soon? he couldnt tell for sure, all he could do was hope.

"n-no it wont, i-it c-cant" sirius sobbed out, voice breaking in the process.

"my love what going on? I know you siri, I always have, but for once I have no idea whats going on, please help me understand my love."

The way remus's voice was so full of sincerity almost sent sirius over the edge again. but how could he possibly explain the words his brain through at him day after day?

"i-i.."

"its okay my love, take your time."

"i don't know how to tell you.."

"that's okay, we can try another way. i know you love to write, do you wanna write how you feel?"

if he didn't feel the way he did now Sirius probably would've fallen in love with remus all over again, but instead he nodded shyly making his way over to his notebook, giving remus a poem he'd written a few day ago.

the words stick to me
like bullets in a tree
her words confine
and hope left inside
the words of the rotten
will never be forgotten
he voice is taunting
causing life to be exhausting
the mirror isn't a friend
but a reminder of the bend
one look and it come back
the words of a mother other lack
disgrace, disappointment
f@gg0t, failure of commandment
fat, yet skin and bones
her never ending tones
the mother isn't a friend
don't let the truth bend

a tear rolled down remus cheek, was this what Sirius thought of himself.

"i'm sorry" Sirius whispered in a low voice.

"don't be sorry siri, your mother was awful and a liar and i wish i could just snap my fingers and let you see how amazing you are. you are my world, you are beautiful , you are not a failure, you've done so much my love, i promise you are enough okay. i love you so much."

"i love you too.."

and maybe sirius wouldn't be okay for a long time, but remus didn't let that stop him from trying to help him. and to remus that was key, he is here to help sirius not to mend his broken pieces because he doesn't need to be fixed, he doesn't need to help mend sirius he needs to help sirius heal. and sirius was forever grateful for it. even if it was hard to show it.