Inbetween

myself and I?

I have been questioning myself over who I am and what I want to be, I have been questioning myself for a while now. I'm guessing about what I want and what I want from others. I never knew how much I can guess until this week. I never knew how much of an impact my past has on me, I didn't know until I met this one man. Who was just like an ex of mine but that ex didn't like what I was or who I wanted to become. He hated my ideas of peace within myself, not because he was the definition of abuse but the definition of self hate. He hated himself so much he would abuse his own body in such a way that the thought of him hurting himself was more important than my own deep personal issues. I cared for him as if it were my job, I put him on this high. I fed his ego and I let him walk all over me with his muddy shoes, messing up my light. While this new man is a constant reminder of that relationship, it showed me that I needed to move past that. I needed to better myself so if I ran into my ex I won't shut down and let go of the oceans in my eyes.