Despicable Desires

Episode 5

Adeline

"So how many pizzas do we order?" Holly and Esther are sitting on my bed, studying the pizzeria's brochure. I'm sitting on my windowsill, a sheet of paper on my lap, my phone in one hand and a pen in the other, waiting for them to make a decision. Since my dad and Mia were going out to dinner with some friends in South San Francisco tonight, I decided it would be pizza and girl talk. Cameron made it clear that I shouldn't worry about them and that he would cook for Astrid and Jayden, leaving me some time to spend with my friends. So we have a quiet evening ahead of us to indulge in our favorite activities: greasy food, gossip, and TV shows. A good time is coming.

"We'll take two mediums: one Mexican and..." Holly begins.

"I want a Regina," Holly interrupts.

I jot down her suggestions on the piece of paper in my hand, then dial the pizzeria's number to place the order.

"In twenty minutes? Perfect. Thanks, bye." I hang up.

"I'm already so hungry," Esther complains as I end the call.

"Don't pretend, you'll eat a slice and be full. Like always," I scoff and roll my eyes.

They laugh.

"Anyway, you've been avoiding the subject all week, but you can't avoid it anymore," Holly begins.

I know exactly what she wants to talk to me about and pout, slightly annoyed. I don't want to talk about Mr. Idiot at all. First because there is not much to say. Then, because since the beginning of the fight we narrowly avoided with Esther last weekend, I have been trying my best not to bring up the subject again. But God only knows how complicated it was with Holly and her curiosity.

"There's nothing to say. He doesn't pay attention to me."

"Again? How can he ignore someone who literally lives with him?" Holly wonders, doubtfully.

"He can! And he does it perfectly."

"Do you at least try to show interest in him?" Esther asks me, trying to sound distant.

"Yes, I try to ask him questions, but he doesn't answer. He keeps me out of all his conversations and activities with his brother.

Well, not all...

"He's unbearable," I finish firmly.

Just talking about him makes my jaw clench and the muscles in my neck tense. And that's nothing compared to the discomfort I feel when he walks into a room... I don't understand why he doesn't try to talk to me and integrate me into his little world, when he seems to adore my little sister and my father, whom he has made a real place in his life.

"Anyway, it's only been a few days. We have to give him time," Esther tries to reassure me.

"Anyway, I don't know how you manage to live with him," Holly continues, "he's so beautiful, it would break my heart if I were you and couldn't touch him."

She puts her hand to her chest and sighs loudly. I pretend to be disgusted by what she's implying and try to hide my embarrassment as best I can. The memories of Monday that I had tried to push away come back, reminding me of the sad truth: the tingling in my stomach, the pounding of my heart, my inability to breathe, the intoxicating smell of his sweat. I think I was far from feeling disgusted at that moment. On the other hand, I prefer not to share this with them. I was sensitive to his attention because I was tired. It wasn't unusual, he lent me a sweatshirt. And the goose bumps, the butterflies in my stomach, it was surprise. An attraction to the unknown, to a facet of Jayden I didn't know, at least as far as I was concerned.