Despicable Desires

Episode 43

Adeline

"It is just before six when I arrive at the library. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I quickly spot an empty table and take a seat, paying little attention to those around me who are hard at work. I unpack my belongings, plug in my computer, and put on my headphones, ready to tackle my upcoming presentation. I am not sure why I suddenly raise my head - maybe I heard a noise, saw movement, or it was just a reflex - but from the moment my eyes meet his profile, I know I am finished.

Jayden is sitting alone just a few feet from me. His eyes are glued to his computer screen, deeply focused on what he is writing. His face is scowling, he doesn't pay any attention to what's going on around him. I cannot look away as I watch his shoulders rise and fall with every breath he takes. His jaw is clenched and his posture is hunched. I should never have chosen this place, because I will never be able to work in these conditions, let alone change my location without drawing attention to myself. It would be impossible, especially now that he is only two tables away from me.

He is absolutely stunning.

It has been three weeks since he confessed his feelings to me, and for three weeks he has given me space. But during this time I have wavered, regretted and doubted myself, and then suddenly reconsidered whether or not I should contact him.

I force myself to look down, open a few browser tabs and start my research. I have to pretend I didn't notice him and ignore his presence.

I must not give in.

Is that his cologne I smell from here?

***

When I checked my phone, the clock read past nine p.m. I had not lifted my head all evening, and the fact that Jayden was only ten feet away from me was almost a miracle. Still, I resisted the urge to sneak a glance in his direction, busying myself with my presentation and completely ignoring him. To the extent that I had almost completed all the tasks I had set for myself that evening. My back hurt, and I tried to release the tension in my neck muscles. I was hungry and looking forward to slipping into my pajamas as soon as I got home.

I glanced over to where Jayden had been sitting when I first arrived and saw that his seat was now empty. I was relieved that I could leave without attracting his attention, but disappointed that he was no longer there. I quickly gathered my belongings, trying to make as little noise as possible so as not to disturb the remaining students in the library. I walked out with heavy steps, happy to step into the cool evening air and take a deep breath. As I crossed the parking lot toward the subway, I stopped suddenly.

Jayden was leaning against the hood of his car, staring at me silently. His arms were crossed over his chest and he smiled as his eyes met mine.

"Are you waiting for someone?" I asked without thinking, noticing that he had not moved.

"You," he replied, simply nodding his head as he stepped away from his vehicle and came closer to me.

"I saw you in the library and thought you might need a ride home," he said, smiling.

"I'm not twelve," I snapped, feeling nervous.

"I know," he admitted, chuckling. "But since it's night, and I have a car, and I just got out...can I give you a ride?"

He invited me to follow him, and after hesitating for a few seconds in the cold, I decided to join him. How could I say no to Jayden White?

I sat silently in the passenger seat, enjoying the comfort and warmth of his jeep. The familiar scent surrounding me made me feel feverish, and I glanced at my driver. He was busy pulling out of the parking lot, and after merging onto the highway, he turned on the radio.

"It's been a while," he said, breaking the silence. "I'm glad to see you."

I felt him look over at me, and I fidgeted in my seat, overwhelmed to be here, but so happy to see him again.

"I see you around campus a lot," I said.

"You can come talk to me, you know," he replied. "I don't bite."

"I know."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, still keeping his eyes on the road. He seems embarrassed.

"What did you work on tonight?" I ask to break the tension and change the subject.

"Data marketing," he says with a smile.

"What's that?" I ask, intrigued.

"Simply put, it's the analysis of consumer data. What they are likely to buy, what they like, what they might like, and based on that, companies tailor their communications, products, and sales techniques."

"That's why when I look at a pair of shoes online, I'm always bombarded with ads for the same shoes," I comment.

"More or less," he laughs.

"You just don't want to admit that you're pushing people to consume! It's unfair to use our data to make us buy!" I protest, teasing.

"Not at all," he replies with a smile. "If you're looking at a pair of shoes online, it's because you like them. Whether there are ads or not, you'll end up buying them!"

"Of course, I'm forced to. They're in my face every time I open a website," I counter.

That makes him burst out laughing, and I can't help but join in. My stomach rumbles and a swarm of butterflies flutters inside me. I watch his profile, his square jaw, his upturned nose, his full lips moving as he laughs. I'm melting under his spell.

"How are your first weeks here going?" he asks, turning away from the road for a second to look at me. That's all it takes to bring me down. My heart is racing and my palms are sweating.

How can he make me so nervous with just one look?

"It's cool. It's a little challenging to force yourself to work, but I like it," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Do you have a lot to do?" he asks.

"Yes. I have several presentations due next week."

As I'm about to speak, I notice that the car has stopped. I look out and see my building in front of me. A sudden wave of disappointment runs through my veins and I stare at the front door, hoping it will disappear. In vain.

It went by too fast.

"Thanks for the ride," I say, turning to Jayden. With his hands on his thighs and his eyes on me, he smiles tenderly.

"No problem. It was nice spending time with you," he replies.

"Same here."

We stay like this for a few seconds, looking at each other. He watches me, and I fight not to look at his lips and kiss him.

"See you at Thanksgiving, then," I whisper.

He nods, and before he can say anything else, I walk away. I grab my bag, clinging to it like a life preserver, and walk away, trying to put as much distance between us as possible. I'm afraid to turn back.

It's been almost three weeks since I last saw him, and it's too much for me.

I miss him.