Despicable Desires

Episode 42

Adeline

The waiter sets the dishes on the table and, after wishing us a good appetite, returns to his work. I grab the hot oil and pour a few drops on my pizza, ignoring the girls' attempts to dissuade me from adding so much.

"Come on," I say, rolling my eyes. "I barely put any on."

"You won't come crying if it burns your mouth," Esther teases, swallowing a huge bite of spaghetti and giggling.

"And the boys are really going out tonight?" Holly asks. "Didn't they have a party the night before last?"

"They did, but apparently two benders in a row doesn't scare them."

"You're talking like we didn't almost go with them on Wednesday!" Holly interjects.

I almost choke on one of my slices and grab my glass of Coke to wash it down. Esther catches my eye and makes an apologetic sound.

"Sorry, Adeline, I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay. We can talk about him, it's not Voldemort," I reply, but I admit that I did everything I could to dissuade the girls from attending the third year boys' party. I knew we were only invited because Jayden had suggested it. Cameron and Tyler jumped at the opportunity, but I did not. And the girls understood perfectly.

I said I needed space, I needed to get away.

Even if it's already been a week.

"It's still pretty awkward," Holly remarks calmly and without reproach. "We haven't really talked about it since... last time."

I focus on my plate, trying to calm the panic that tightens my throat at the prospect of discussing it.

"You know you can talk to us, Adeline, right?" Holly adds.

"I know. It's just that I can't really."

"Why?" Esther worries. "Are you afraid we'll judge you?"

She frowns, the utensils resting on her full plate, and looks at me intently.

"Maybe," I admit.

"Girl, we support you two thousand percent," Holly chimes in. "Really! I know the situation isn't easy, and no matter what you try to make us believe, you're not handling it well. He told you he loves you, that's a fact!"

I swallow hard at the memory.

"You want him to pay, and you're right. But you're also head over heels in love with him. You're suffering, we can see it! Sometimes you have to stop fighting it."

"He treated me like crap," I defend myself. "What do you want me to do?"

"Take your time," Esther resumes. "But also learn to forgive. Even if it hurts, it will never be worse than rejecting him forever."

"Especially since we saw him every day this week," Holly adds, "and he invited us to two parties."

I sigh, trying to take another slice of pizza before my appetite fades away. Deep down, I know the girls are right. I know that, whether I like it or not, Jayden is a part of my life. I'll see him at college, but also at the parties we'll throw, or at the family gatherings we're likely to have. And unless he decides otherwise, he's not going to escape now that we're all in Seattle. Our parents won't accept him staying here while Cameron and I visit them. I'll be forced to cross paths with him. Often. Too often.

"I just don't want him to think it's easy to get me back. Not after everything he's done!"

"And it's normal, he acted like a jerk," Esther exclaims. "But you also have to learn to trust him."