Despicable Desires

Episode 40

Jayden

Sitting on the sofa, I absentmindedly watch the program on the television. I ordered a pizza more than half an hour ago, and the delivery guy hasn't shown up yet. My roommates haven't returned, and there's been nothing in the fridge for almost three days. I was supposed to go grocery shopping, but now I'm already in sweatpants, looking disheveled and tempted to spend the night on the couch. This routine is exhausting. I've been sleeping poorly for several weeks now, and after spending so many late nights out, it's hard to get back into a rhythm, especially with Adeline clouding my mind every night. Someday I would have to find out why the only person you want to avoid at all costs is the one you can always see.

The cafeteria was just a moment like any other, except it was the one where I gave in and talked to her. I should never have done that, nor should I have sent her a message that she did not respond to. It's been over ten days since classes resumed. Ten. And I don't think I've had a single day off, because I've been seeing Adeline all the time. With her friends, with my brother, with people I didn't know. I fought hard not to see her, promising myself that my weakness in the cafeteria wouldn't happen again. I was captivated by her smile as she walked in, by her scent as she passed me in line without noticing me. She doesn't see me anymore.

I nervously run my hand over my face, and when my phone vibrates next to me, I don't bother to look at who's calling and answer it. I thought it was one of my roommates on the other end of the line, or maybe Lydia, urging me to join them at the nearby bar. Anyone but her.

-I was beginning to think you were avoiding my calls.

My mother.

-I'm busy, I lie grumpily.

I sit up and pull at my hair to force myself to stay calm. I've been ignoring her calls since I got back to Seattle. Almost a month of trying to keep my mother off the phone. She's not fooled; she knows, as I do, why we haven't spoken since I left.

"Glad to know you're invested this year," she jokes. It's enough to elicit a grumble from me, and I grab the remote to mute the TV.

"What do you want?" I ask a little abruptly. To be honest, I don't really want to talk to her right now.

"Do I need a reason to want to talk to my son?" she replies.

"Mom, I have things to do right now. This is really not a good time," I say, already standing up and looking around with a hand in my pocket, aware that I have nothing to do but wallow in self-pity.

"Do you have five minutes? How are you doing?"

"Fine," I sigh. She's not going to let me off the hook. I guess I'll have to pretend I'm going through a tunnel or something. A blackout. Something.

"How's your return to school? Your brother told me he sees you a lot at the library."

The library? I hold back a laugh, because the only place I see Cameron these days is at the parties I sneak into. But never mind.

"Yeah."

"It's good you two got back together. He'll keep you motivated, and so will you. I'm sure this year will be a good one for both of you."

"Mom," I mutter. "I really don't want you to lecture me."

"Oh, you're always so grumpy! I'm just trying to find out how you're doing since you don't tell me anymore."

"I told you I'm--"

"Busy, yes," she interrupts. There's a second of silence while she lets it sink in, and just as I'm about to hang up, she adds: